Keep Hoping

Hope -

noun

noun: hope; plural noun: hopes

1.

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

Hope.........Don't give up hope..........
We always seem to tell this to others, but what does this really mean? After all, you can't tell someone not to give up hope, when you know not what they went through in order to feel that all that hope that they once had is now gone...I had a desire for something to happen, I dreamt about it day and night, for days, months, even years... and here I am...still hoping......but why?

Each ounce of hope is quickly diminished by disappointments, yet I try to keep it alive but it is hard. It is so hard to see things that you want so desperately continually fall apart in your face. Yes, you wanted this so much...you may have felt as if you deserved it... you hoped for it....but in the end you never got it.

It's crazy how you can have a dream........work towards your dream.....and then watch someone murder that dream....and  yet, they are usually the one who says "Don't give up hope!"....You want me to not give up but every single time that I am working so hard to achieve what I so desire you constantly tear me down with your negativity, you disappoint me with your actions, and then I become a shell of who I truly am....and I feel like.... there is no hope....it won't happen for me... it just won't.

When all is lost... Should you give up hope?............


The answer is NO. We all have desires in life! We all want certain things to happen, and truth be told THEY CAN HAPPEN. Sometimes we let the negativity of others hold us back. But why? Who are they to tell us that  we can not do something? Who are they to tell us that we are not good enough? Who are they to tell us that we want too much? People always want to talk, but why let their talking determine your decisions in life? If you want something GO GET IT! If you decide to give up on it make sure that this was a choice that you solely made! Give up when you wanted to give up, not when something told you that you can't do it.

This morning, I woke up feeling defeated. I felt like everything I ever wanted would just slip through my fingers as it has in the past. And then when I felt that way I was slammed down by more disappointment... and in that instant I put my head down and I slowly said to myself  "I give up...What's the point of hoping for something that will never be?"..... I sat for about ten minutes and in that moment of solidarity I felt as if it was me against the world... I felt like there was no hope in hoping because ..... I mean... what's the point???..........

What is the freakin point!!!???

Well.... the point of it all is.... I want it......And if I truly want something I should not give up on it! Mama didn't raise a quitter!!!! I know that I am rambling on and stuff....but I just want you to know that sure sometimes it seems like all hope is lost...but at the end of the day hope is only lost if you allow it to be lost. Never give up on something you truly want! You will live to regret it. And when I am 85 sitting on my front porch I do not want to regret a thing about my life!

So keep hoping!!!!!! I know I will! :)

Have a great day!!!!

December is So Cold

Beautiful summer days
That delightful day in June
When two friends met each other
And in their hearts they both made more room

In July as the heat climbed
So did their emotions inside
It was hard to hide the emotions of the heart
It was hard to even deny

Weeks past by
Nights then days
And in August we both sit
Wondering what else will happen after we had our first kiss

September things intensified
We no longer did what was right
Emotions got the best of me
And in October I was out of sight

The coldness of the seasons as November moved in soon
My heart ended up hurting less
It was frozen from the cold
But as the time continued on
It still tried to thaw
But that cold December wind
Won't let my heart move forward

Speckle

I have a cat named Speckle
She has a lot of spots
She rolls around on her belly
She really eats a lot

I have a cat named Speckle
She claws everything she sees
My mom wants to get rid of her
But I want her to never leave

I have a cat named Speckle
She does so many things
She sits around the house
For she knows she is the queen

Too lazy to catch the mouse in the house
She just eats and sleeps a lot
I have a cat named Speckle
That I adore so much!

Extraordinary

I wish to be extraordinary
Like no one was before
I wish to fly higher than an eagle
I wish that in life I will soar

I wish to be unique
Like a rainbow on an uncommon day
In the mist of a fierce hurricane
The fruit on the tree that shall stay

I can only be me
And that's what I plan to do
I can't be anyone else in life
I can't even be you
I have to stand firm in my beliefs
And not drift like a feather on the win
I wish to be extraordinary
And with me that is where I shall begin

"If you wish to be something great start working on being true to yourself!!"  -Monica Renata

No More

And at that very moment
I felt completely out of breath
My heart was racing fiercely
And my shirt was drenched with sweat
I had a thirst that was so profound
Yet not even a drop of water to drink
A raging inferno burned inside
My flesh grew redder
And then balance left my feet

In my mind I can feel myself twirling
In an endless funnel cloud
My eyes are red and burning
My teeth firmly biting down
I have so much to say
Yet I cannot even speak
I'm bursting from the insides
With anger from your deceit

Your words have really touched me
And this time they touched me to my soul
I'm quivering in the corner....
I can't do this any more......
I want to stay and talk things out
But my emotions are taking over me
I have to walk away from this
I have to start taking care of me

Tears are building up
Water sprouts that I refuse to turn on
I can't let this get the best of me
I have to just move on

Burning with so much emotion
Like a fire of the utmost degree
The unbreakable has finally broken

I let this get the best of me...

The fake smile is there no more
I'm halfway out the door
And inside my head I keep telling myself
I just can't do this anymore

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Growing Up

Bills, Bills, Bills!
I pay them every day.....
And as soon as I get my next check
There are even more bills I have to pay!!!

It seems like everything costs these days
Water
Air
And the lights
I don't think I will ever get a break
This just isn't right!!

For many years I thought this would be different
I couldn't wait to be
Be an adult for once in my life
Do what my parents never allowed me
But man, I didn't expect this!!
It's something new everyday!!

Today I have to buy tires for my car
And also get an oil change

The fancy clothes I always wanted
Cost so much in the store
I wish  mommy and daddy were here
I'm kinda feeling poor

Everything I want
Are now my actual needs
Because things cost so much in life
That I no longer want for needless things

Bills, Bills, Bills....
That's all I seem to pay...
I guess being an adult
Isn't always great!

Officially Official

I'm Officially Official!

Can't you tell by the look of my shoes? 

Or how my stance is firm

Or how I do what I choose? 

I'm officially official!

You can tell by my crease

That is ironed in my pant leg

That's confidence that does not speak!

I'm officially official

I always take care of mines

Money is a priority

My business has to thrive

I worked hard for all of this

And so many doubted me

But I'm officially official today

I'm the businessman I always wanted to be!

Dancing Teardrops

My heart started pounding fiercely

And then you danced on my cheek

Accompanied by your friends

You then formed a stream

And how I tried to capture you all

Within the palms of my hands

But instead you seeped right through

And made a stain on my pants

A part of me is now missing

A part that few even know

For I have finally shed those tears

That I held in so long

The Lion's Nose

I stand on the nose of the lion

Who stretches his mouth out to roar

And as I stand here confidently

I honestly fear no more

For what is the use of being afraid

When my fear is what surrounds me?

For I shall stare into the eyes of this culprit

While his belly waits for him to eat

"Sometimes there is no use in being afraid...Look fear in the face and defy it!!!." -Monica Renata

What was I supposed to do?

I was young
What was I supposed to do?
I was learning about math
And simply tying my shoes
When out of no where
I'm approached by a group of three
And I said hello
But then one punched me
And in that instant, I was hurt and afraid
And my mind was still in a constant daze
But what am I to do?
So on the ground is where I stayed
And then they just walked away

They promised they would come the next day
And that promise they kept the very next day

What was I supposed to do?
I was just so dumb and still young too
I let them approach me again and the damage was done
I knew to brace myself for another punch
However, this time they decided to speak
And each word they spoke
Really cut me deep

"You are so ugly!"
"You are nothing at all!"
"Why do you exist!?"
The insults went on

And emotionally broken
I was scared to speak
But what am I to do?
I need to say something
But I'm just a geek
So in that place is where I stayed
And then they just walked away
and I knew they would come back another day....
Because they always come back the very next day..........

Each day I come home
I just try to smile
I can't let you know
Everything that goes down
I get on the Internet
and all I see
Are pictures and statuses written about me
I can't escape this torment!
I can't have my life!
And then I wonder if this is my punishment for all that I didn't do right....
I'm bullied by my peers
They won't let me be
Be anyone at all..
I'm scared to be me....

Nothing I do can ever be right
Each day I am preparing for another fight
I can't shed a tear because one tear will equal more
I can't wait til the weekend!
I can't take any more!

What was I supposed to do?
I was walking out of class and then I heard BOOM!
And on the floor I was down on my knees
Yes, they tripped me, but I pretended I tripped on my own feet
My current life is my personal hell
And soon in the background I hear the bell
I can't wait to spend my weekend at home!
Where no one can taunt me because I'm all alone....

What was I supposed to do?
The bullying continued even after I left school
They passed pictures around
And called me names
Social media really drives me insane
I can't escape this
What am I supposed to do?
I can't tell you what is going on in and out of school
It's just too much!
They won't let me be!
I can't be who I am!
They won't accept me for me!!
Maybe this is my punishment
For all the wrongs in my life
For bothering dad....
For messing up my new bike...
Maybe I wasn't meant to be happy
Maybe I'm not supposed to be in this life
I just don't understand why?

I'm so sorry Mom....
For what I'm about to do.....
But what was I supposed to do??....................


For more information about Bullying please check out the following link: Bullying Statistics

Don't Cry for Me

Please do not cry for me

For I am still there even though you can't see

The tears your eyes try to release

So filled with the agony of the loss of me

I see it all

But this is meant to be

I have lived my life

So let me sleep

But forever let me be a memory in your head

For alive I will be

Even though my body is dead

December

The first snow fell on a December day

Right on a tree branch where it decided to stay

Then soon snow fell more and more

The branch snapped

And the snow then fell to the floor

The icy breeze I feel all around

The numbness in my hands

My rigid smile

Lovely in so many ways

This beautiful December day

Be Thankful

In life we would like to have many things
The fancy cars
The diamond rings
We want want want
And then want more
We get so much stuff
That our house can't fit any more

But in the end
Do you have a masterpiece?
Did you put together what you truly wanted
piece by piece?
You probably have a lot
But it still isn't right
And yet you think of what you want
Each and every night

In life we want many things
Such materialistic people
We sometimes be
We want, want, want
But forget what we need
We forget about kindness
And good deeds
We don't appreciate
That we already have what we need

So stop....
Think about the many things you have..
Be thankful for many things
Stop worrying about the minor things
For the true wonders in life can't be bought with cash

Be thankful for the air you currently breathe
For today someone didn't wake this morning you see
Be thankful for twinkles in your children's eyes
Be thankful that today those eyes will not cry
Be thankful for being the shoes on your feet
They might not be the ones you wanted
But they are yours to keep
Be thankful for the clothes on your back
Because sometimes clothes are what others lack
Be thankful
Be thankful
Be thankful indeed
For you may be something others wish they could be
Be thankful for all the good in your life
Be thankful that today you're alive


In life we would like to have many things
The fancy cars
The diamond rings
We want want want
And then want more
We get so much stuff
That our house can't fit any more
But our houses are already filled...but we can't see
Cause we can't see what we truly needed
Be thankful that your house is filled with love
Be thankful that today is a day you are alive to see...
Be thankful

Fill my cup with Coffee

Can you fill my cup with coffee?
Such a warm and delicious brew
Intoxicated by the aroma
And so fulfilling too

Can you fill my cup with coffee?
I want my cup to be filled to the rim
I want the heat to touch my nose
My soul it shall soothe from within

Filling me up
Filling me up
With happiness in my life
Can you fill my cup with coffee?
For I am happy when you are by  my side

Breakdown

So much on my plate right now
And I don't know what to do!!!
And every time I turn around
They are giving me more food!!

I'm hungry but I can not eat
Instead I want to scream right now
I'm standing in a traffic filled street
I'm about to have a breakdown

Stresses of life have been piling up
I swear that they touch the sky!!
And it seems like the only solution
Would be to curl up and die

I'm overwhelmed by so many situations
I have so much to say but I can't speak
I feel like I'm standing in the middle
Of thousands of school kids at P.E.

I want to talk to someone
But that someone isn't here
And quite frankly I honestly believe
That they wouldn't want to hear it

I pulling out my hair
Strand by Strand
And I watch each strand hit the ground
My life use to be up, Up, UP
But now it's looking down

Swirling endlessly
Loop by Loop
Going down, Down, DOWN
I can't even hold on to anything to avoid falling
My face is a constant frown
And I'm afraid to voice the words
That I am so scared to speak
But the stresses of life have taken their toll
And have finally gotten to me

Decisions... Just Thoughts

Decisions....
We all make them...whether they are right or wrong it is inevitably our choice.
You decide what will happen in your life!
You decide where you will go!

Sometimes, we think the world is against us. And we also believe that everything that has happened to us is "not our fault" but in actuality if you had the ability to decide then and there if you would go through with something then ....the consequences which you face are your fault. It's all on you... You made this bed... so there you shall lie.

Nobody's perfect. We all make bad choices at times. Some of those bad choices end up haunting us each and every day. It is so great a burden on the mind that you are constantly in a battle with yourself....but hey, you did it to yourself, right?

Get Over It

Trapped on an island
Yet somewhat close to land
I hold my breathe tightly
For I wish to no longer be there
I can see land
But it is not close enough to reach
I am on this island
In the middle of the sea

This has really got me down
I'm feeling kind of alone
I start to chop the trees around
For this place is no longer home
And I want to reach that land ahead
That land that I can see
But even though it is close
It is not close enough to reach

In  my sorrows I feel overwhelmed
At times I cannot sleep
I start to put these logs together
And throw them in the sea
And the land that seemed so far away
Gets closer each time
I want to leave this island
For this is my time to shine

As the logs start collecting
They finally create a bridge
And I am marveled by my accomplish
I wonder if I should walk ahead
Leave this island that serves no purpose to me
Cross this ever changing sea
I have to reach this bit of land
That use to be hard to reach

I'm over all of this negativity
I am over this "woe is me"
I have to keep pushing on
I have to be all I want to be
I can't let the negatives hold me back
I have to keep pushing ahead
I have to build a bridge and get over it
For hard times were not meant to last

Confetti Hearts

Strung along the empty room

Falling from the sky

A piece of a love I thought I knew

A love that floated so high

Up higher than the mountain tops

But love so deep as the sea

Today I drop my confetti hearts

For everyone to see

Unparallelled in pureness

It was once a whole that felt

Abandoned by the others

And so like paper, it did tear

And into tiny little pieces

It so did come to be

Tiny confetti hearts

Which use to be a part of me

"When you make someone your everything you give them the ability to take away everything...So be careful who you give your heart to because if you give it completely you are giving that person the ability to break it into tiny pieces....." -Monica Renata

The Winter March

On the cold steps I said goodbye
As the wind blew through my hair
And I felt my tears freeze up
Because of the winter air
And in that moment
I felt my heart sink
Sink to the deepest low it could go
And I knew I wouldn't see you again
Even though I wanted to see you so

As my feet finally moved forward
I tried hard not to cry
And I remember looking into the sky
And screaming "Why God!" in my mind
My hands started getting colder
As I walked closer to the street
I knew this would be my last time following you
This moment is so bittersweet

I walk and walk and walk
And my feet begin to get numb
Just like how I'm feeling emotionally
I can't be warmed by the morning sun
And I look at that nicely dug patch
And I can't even speak
I never imaged that you would leave
Or ever be separated from me

On this cold winter day I said goodbye
As the wind blew through my hair
I tried hard not to cry
I don't want to believe you are in there
I never thought that this would be a day I would ever see
The day you are laying inside your coffin
Resting in eternal sleep

The Snow Queen

Mirror Mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest of them all?
Just look into my eyes
And finally speak
Say what I am thinking
Say it is me!
For I believe I am like the stars
That glisten up above all
And so rare is a beauty like mines
So speak to me mirror
Don't be shy

Mirror Mirror on the wall
It is I once again
And today I stand tall
With confidence and a bit of conceit
For I want you to speak to me!!
Say what I want you to say RIGHT NOW!
I'm the fairest in the land, and I don't know how
But my beauty is hard to reach
I am the most beautiful girl in all the streets

Mirror Mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest of them all?
My heart may be black
But I'm pretty on out
And that's what everyone cares about
I'm a mean girl
But no one can see
Physically I am what many others want to be
Beauty unparrelled
And so profound
I am on a high horse and won't come down

For it has been tattooed in my brain
That the only beauty that matters
Is the one that can be seen
So I will let the rotten reside inside
And only showcase the beauty that they can see radiate from outside


"Sometimes we truly forget about the beauty within........And neglecting that beauty can cause much more pain in the end." -Monica Renata

Brunch

Some call it breakfast
Some call it lunch
I call it food
That I love so much
For I shall never ever see
What the purpose of brunch
Was meant to be

For breakfast occurs when I open my eyes
I head to the kitchen
No matter the time
And I whip up some hash browns and maybe some eggs
And three hours later
I will do the same
But instead of the menu I had before
I will adjust it
Or add some more
And this my friend I will call lunch
For I believe in breakfast and lunch

Combining those meals
Won't be a treat
Because what I love to do
Is eat, Eat, EAT
I have to have my three meals aside
For if they don't happen...
I might die

Some call it breakfast
Some call it lunch
I call it food that I love so much
For I can't combine the two meals you see
And that is why brunch is not for me

Flowers Bloom In Winter Too

Flowers bloom in winter too

Throughout all the ice

They make it through

And even though the birds no longer play

I can hear the melodies in my head

The fragrance I can't wait to smell

I hold it closely

I even stare

So beautiful and yet so true

This lovely flower

I thought only bloomed in June

Flowers bloom in winter too

I'm reminded every time I look at you

Even in bad days

You can always see

The beauty that resides in me

Your hugs I yearn for every day

The smell of your flesh

I can never walk away

So beautiful and yet so true

I am no longer a skeptic

For I can now see it too

Flowers bloom in winter too

"Sometimes the greatest love can blossom from the coldest heart...."  -Monica Renata

Who Are You?

Once I knew you so well
Like how I knew the back of my hand
I knew the curvature of all your features
I always knew where we stand
But today I am uncertain
For I don't know you anymore
I use to know you so well
Before you walked out of that door

I use to know your every thought
Like Mother Nature knew when it would rain
I could look you in the eyes each day
And know each day you were the same
But today I am uncertain
For I don't know you anymore
I use to know you so well
Before you walked out of that door

Each morning we stand face to face
Yet we both don't know
That although we are so close together
We are more farther than we are close
Our hands always still meet
When we reach out our hands
but this change is something that I have yet to understand

You look in the mirror each day
And prepare yourself for your journey
And each time you walk out the door
You are always in a hurry
You seem to change each and every day
Then you come back to me
And you give me that hard look
Just like you have faced defeat

We are identical in nature
Yet we are worlds apart
I am a part of you
But we differ on some parts
I use to know you so much
I used to know you so well
Before you walked out of that door
It seems like the world has changed you
You are now so cold
You smile in my presence
But I can clearly see
That slowly you are changing
From the person you use to be


"Never let the world change you! Everyone wasn't meant to be like everyone else....." -Monica Renata

You Used To

You used to say you loved me
There were certain things you used to do
You used to make me smile all day
You used to see things through

You used to always smile around me
There were certain things you used to say
You used to always seem so happy
You used to try to see me every day

But my how times have changed
You are not who you used to be
Or perhaps it is I
Maybe I am not the old  me
Each second, each minute, each hour that goes by
Which turns into days and then weeks
Seems as though we are slowly realizing
We each are not who we used to be

You used to make me smile all the time
You used to never make me scared
But now when I stare in your eyes
I don't know who resides in there
There is a coldness that has overtaken you
You are but a stranger in my eyes
For you use to be the cause of my happiness
But now you make me cry

I'm trying

And in my instance of sorrow
You still stand there
Afraid to open your mouth
And yet you just stare

And I cower in the corner
Cause I can't get through to you
What has made this happen??
Why can't we pull through???

I'm pulling on rope
That only bruises my hand
You are so close
But you are no where near

I want to hold you
I want to cry
But in my instance of sorrow
You are there yet away somehow

I want you to hear me
But you can't hear me
I want you to see me
But you can't see me
I'm trying to get through to you
Trying to open your mind
But you stare blankly
Into the night sky

Just say something
Say something Please!!!
Don't make me leave
I want to stay in your heart
I don't want to leave
But what am I to do
When your world stands still
And I am erased...but yearn for you I still

In my instance of sorrow
You are there
I see us coming to an end
But It's hard to swallow that pill
Just tell me something
Say something now!!!
Because I want to get through to you
But I just don't know how

Tired

I'm tired of being tired
I'm blind but I can see
I'm hurting but I feel no pain
I'm surrounded by no one but me

Just completely empty
Quite frankly sick of it all
In my loneliness I'm lonely
And when I rise I so do fall

I'm tired of being tired
Tired of sleeping but getting no sleep
I'm complicated like a puzzle
But easy like finding 'sea' in 'seat'

Exhausted yet wide awake
Wide awake but mentally sleep
I'm tired of being tired
I need a bed so I can sleep

You Promised

When evening comes

And the light in the sky

Slowly fades away

You grab hold of my hand

And tell me softly

This is where I shall stay

A grip that is so tight

Like a nail in a piece of wood

You promise that you will never let go

Even if you could

Through the terrifying things

I see through my life

You stay by my side

You comfort me when I am worried

You tell me not try cry

And just when I think you will let go

Because you are angered with me

You remind me of that promise

That you will never leave

I roam through countless deserts

Get on ships that sail the seas

And your hand still hold mines closely

Keeping the promise you made to me

Through the countless blizzards

Through the endless thunderstorms

You are there for me each day

You won't leave me alone

 When evening comes

And the light in the sky

Slowly fades away

You grab hold of my hand

And tell me softly

This is where I shall stay

And although I have doubts at time

You have always seen me through

For you have kept your promise to me

And did exactly what you said you would do

The Conversation

Hey there!!

How are you? 

You look beautiful today!

I love the twinkle in your eye

And that smile upon your face!

You seem so refreshed today

Like I have never seen!

Someone must have made you happy

Or you have come to term with things!

So tell me how life's going for you!?

What is new in your life!!

I heard things are changing for the best?

I heard there are new people in your life!

Oh wait

Your smile got bigger

I guess I am somewhat right!!!

Oh...please do tell!!!

This shall be a delight!

Aww that is so great to hear

Awww look at the time

I guess it is my time to go

Until we meet next time

Writing Prompt: Is Love Enough?

Is love enough?
Can love improve the world?

My answer is YES......but.......

Love must be redefined, and if that happens then love may be enough. I think what is wrong with the world is that we misconstrue the true definition of the word 'Love'. We only think about love in the aspect of what truly benefits us. We base the concept of love on how we are feeling at the moment while neglecting the true definition of it.

'Love' is a great feeling of affection
'Affection' is a feeling of fondness
'Fondness' is an affection of liking of something or someone
'Liking' is to have a feeling of regard

Regard is defined as follows: "To consider or think of (someone or something) in a specified way."

And to be quite honest, we only 'REGARD' the things that affect our lives. Which is the problem. We neglect to think about others because they do not think about us. We don't pay attention to issues in the world that do not directly effect us. And that is what is wrong..... Love could solve so many things....However, many of us do not truly understand what love is.......This is just my opinion though.

But I ask you this........ Is love enough for you?

Peace Be Still

Peace be still my darling
Do not utter a sound
Do not question your surroundings
Do not wonder why or how

Peace be still my darling
Do not run away
For have faith in your abilities
And let the calmness in your heart stay

Through the raging storms of life
Through the fires which burn in the seas
Do not lose faith in yourself
Always just "believe"
Life may not go your way at times
But it doesn't mean life isn't for you
Peace Be Still my darling
For you shall make it through

The Garden

Such a precious plot of land

Lovely in its own right

Doesn't really have a certain crop

Doesn't really have a certain size

Such a precious plot of land

With soil that is so unique

For it can be dry and lacking water

Then very fertile the next week

Such a precious plot of land

One so chooses to keep

Its greatness depends on the owner

Who holds all the seeds

Of all the things that could be harvested

The owner decides that fate

For they can decide to plant love

Or they can decide to plant hate

The beauty of the garden 

Which is actually your mind

You can plant crops that will blossom forever

Or let the weeds overtake your life

How

How am I to trust you

When you clearly don't trust me?

How am I to understand where you are coming from

If you won't let me see?

How am I suppose to confide in you

If you can't talk to me now?

How am I suppose to make you happy

When it seems like I can never make you smile?

I'm trying so hard to trust you

But you don't trust me

I want to see where you are coming from

But you won't let me see

I want to confide in you

But you can't even talk to me now

I want to make you happy

But you won't let me make you smile....

What am I to do

When I want US to be......

I am now constantly wonder

If there will ever be...

A you and me

Getting Rid of the Burden

Riding on your coat tails
Unable to pick up the slack
Consuming all your thoughts
Who knows what comes next

I know this is hard for you
I know you are wondering why
But I promise I won't be a burden
I'm just going to let all of this die

Stress is through the rough right now
Unable to stand on two feet
Can't even hear my heart beat
But somehow it is pounding as we speak

It's just too much for you right now
It's even too much for me
But I will relieve you of this burden
I'm preparing as we speak

Emotions running high
Days and nights I can't sleep
I gotta do what's best for you
I gotta do what's best for me

I know this is hard for you
Because it is definitely hard for me
But this burden has got to go
So don't let tears fall down your cheeks

Love Letter

There are words that float around my head

But won't come from my lips

And these words would mean so much to you

But I am afraid to admit

Admit how I feel about you

Admit how you make me feel

I have all these words inside my head

But speaking them sounds too unreal

Instead of speaking endlessly

And being afraid to come in your sight

I will write down all the words I want to say

Words in which you would like

I want you to know that I care about you

That you make me so happy

That every night I think about you

And every time I see you it's like a dream

I want you to know I love to hold your hand

That feeling is so divine

As my fingers slip between your fingers

I know you and I are so right

I want you to know that you make me smile

More than I have ever smiled before

And at times I'm afraid of loving you

Because I haven't loved someone like this before

Of all the words I never speak

That always float in my head

The majority are very positive

And I'm just afraid to say it

So next time I am quite

Don't take it as such a bad thing

There are many things I want to tell you

Yet I am sometimes afraid to speak

And instead of speaking endlessly

I think I might just continue to write

I love you

I love you 

I love you

And I know that you and I are so right!!

Krispy Kreme

Sweeter than cake

But brilliant too

I lick my lips

I can't wait to taste you

So soft and yet oh so sweet

Euphoric feelings take over me

Your body I can't wait to taste

Your warmth makes me run to you before it's too late

I close my eyes

And I swallow you

I savor the moment

Until breakfast is through

Oh in the mornings how I think of you

So soft, so sweet, and lightly glazed too

Your bad for my health

But your good for me too

Oh Krispy Kreme donuts

How I so love you

Who Knows

Who knows what tomorrow holds? 

Who knows where we will be? 

Who knows the depths of the oceans? 

Who knows the entire contents of the seas?

No one may know these things

No one may know the truth

But what I do know

Is how I feel for you

I don't know what tomorrow holds

But I wish it was a future with you

I don't know where I will be

But hopefully it's standing next to you

I don't know the depths of the seas

But I know that I love you so deep

I don't know the entire contents of the seas

But I know within you I found me

I know all of these things

I know all of these are my inner truths

But most importantly I know exactly

How I really feel about you

Racing Forward

Heart beats loud

I move my feet

Fear overtaking me

Who knows what the future holds? 

I think that I will never know..

Eyes closed shut

My mouth won't react

I am lost and confused

In the corner I sat

Wondering what I am to do

I wonder if it is them I should pursue

My heart beats loud

I move my feet

Fear then starts to overtake me

But I can't let go of what I don't know

So I run into my future

Without my eyes closed

My mouth which was shut

Can now speak

I am lost and confused

But I can't let this be

Move out of the corner

And into the light

I have to be and finally pursue

The person I would like

I have to stop wondering

It is time to pursue

"You can't be the reason that you hold back YOU"

That voice in my head is definitely right

I have to reach my utmost potential

I have to live my LIFE

Short & Sweet

Short and sweet

Like two words in melody

The feeling when you hold my hand

Joyous are the days I am with you

The feeling of two kids playing in sand

To know you is to love you

And loved you is what I did

Short and sweet

Like the two words I spoke

Whenever you asked for my hand

Tug-Of-War

For years I used to enjoy tug-of-war
For I thought it was unique
But after growing older
I found out that the victory wasn't so sweet

I question what is the point
Of bloodying your hands
In hopes of winning a battle
That just pulls you across some land

What are you really winning?
It is just a coarse rope!?
There is no magical thing that happens!
It seems like all a big joke

But now that I am older
Someone wants to play this game
And in my head I'm thinking
They have to be insane

What's the point of trying so hard
To get you on my side
When each time I pull harder
I can feel a piece of you die

And each time that you grip tighter
You kill a piece of me
For I can't go any longer
And a sunnier tomorrow I can't see

We fighting to stay together
Yet we are pulling so hard that we drifting apart
For in this game  tug-of-war
It seems we both have lost

Follow

I followed you this morning

I couldn't let you get away

I ventured with you in the sunshine

I also stood with you in the rain

I followed you this evening

As the moon made the night sky bright

Even though my brain told me this was wrong

I knew you would think this was right

I will follow you to the moon and back

I will follow you across the oceans and seas

For I know what makes me happy

And when you are happy I am pleased

Through each unfortunate tomorrow

I will follow you for all time

For I rather follow my heart in life

Than to question my heart "why?"

The Cover Up

Falling down

Rolling on a hill

And then finally touching 

The hands of a soul

So broken

So cold

And they won't cease

They keep falling down

Continuously

Creating a stain

Of Emotion it reeks 

Surrounded by no one

But pain and grief

Wondering what there is to do

When consumed with guilt

And afraid to face the truth

As these tears roll down my cheeks

They fall in my hand

And they just won't cease

As I Lay

For months I have been here
For months it was the same thing
Family would come to visit me
They would come for my birthday and sing

To be surrounded by these white walls
Which have no sense of soul
I will lay in my bed
As each day I grow old

The sun rises up each morning
And I wake up to watch
I feel the heat come through my window blinds
I'm surprised that it isn't hot
To see the it shine upon my skin
It makes me smile a lot
I shall appreciate this day
For today means a lot

The sun goes down
I watch this too
I then watch the moon and the stars
I gaze into the night sky
I wish I could be among the stars
Oh such marvelous beauty
I never use to appreciate
But its amazing how I appreciate
Every second of this day

As I'm about to take a nap
The nurse comes in the room
She says your family is coming tomorrow
And some are flying in too
I smile and then she leaves the room
But deep down I can see
That everyone is coming to see me tomorrow
Obviously something is happening to me

And as that fear strikes me
I find myself restless and not at ease
and I think of all the things I wish
I would have appreciated then
The smell of fresh cut grass
The autumn change of leaves
The smile on my family faces
The youthful version of me

The happiness...the tears...and the moments too
I took it all for granted
Back then I didn't see things through
For it was the little things in life
That I appreciated the least
But alas I must prepare myself
For my final sleep

Again

If I could hear your voice again
If I could hear you speak
My world would turn a bit brighter
And I could fall asleep

If time would stop moving forward
And allowed me to go back
I would hold you tightly in my arms
Then you never would have left

I'm waiting for something that will never come to
I'm waiting for a dream that won't come true
And it's crazy how every little thing reminds me of you...

If I could hear your voice again
That voice that's so unique
But now you are gone
So that will never be

The Housecat

I awaken in my fortress
Yet nothing bothers me
I help myself to my breakfast
And wait for the others to leave
With Mary off to work
And Jim off to go play
I can honestly say
I will have the best of days

First place is the sofa
And next are the shoes
I will feast my paws upon them
And this time I won't lose

I will peep out the windows
At the dogs who are outside
I feel as though I am royalty
I feel like I'm sitting high

Everything is placed out
Just like how I like it to be
Oh the life of a housecat
I'll enjoy this indeed

The Pouring Rain

You left me in the pouring rain
You left me in the thunder
And as the rain touches down on me
My heart can't take this no longer

Just when I think the rain is going to stop
Just when the thunder cease
I see lightning strike against me
And my heart skips a beat

You left me in the pouring rain
You left me in the thunder
And I have to get away
For my heart can't take this any longer

In Your Absence

In your absence
I was able to find
Something else
That catches my eye
It reminds me of me
But yet so unique
It shows me a place
Where I would like to be

In your absence
I was able to see
What you lacked
And what was your greatest feat
And underneath it all
I was shown the truth
The truth that showcased
The real you

In your absence
What did I find?
Something so unique
Something so divine
It has caught my attention
It is so unique
And I think that it
Will finally get me

The Host

Lurking in the back of my mind
Consuming all my thoughts
Setting up a place to live within
For I have become its host

Questioning my conscience
And always making me doubt
It feeds on my insecurities
It feeds on my inner thoughts

I take one move
And suddenly I am scared to take the next
Cowering in a corner
And wondering what to expect

For I have become its host
And it is not a delight
For fear has taken over
And fear might ruin my life