I Will Not Be Afraid

As the sun slowly goes down
And the moon begins to rise
There is a blanket of complete darkness
As soon as I close my eyes
And then all of a sudden
My world is filled with flames
And I am marching through it all
I will not be afraid

As the path seems to keep getting longer
I can feel my shirt drenched with sweat
I still have a long way to go
I must face what comes next
And through this fiery path
I am thinking "I have had enough"
But then a voice resonates and says
I will not and can not give up

Soon the walls around me
Turns into crushing waves
I stand upon my path
And watch the water extinguish the flames
And as soon as I start to smile
Water surrounds me
And the next thing that I know
Is I am drowning in a sea

Underneath the water I go
Then I come back for some air
I want to reach land
But land is no where there
And in my instance of sorrow
I feel desperate and ashamed
But then  I begin to swim forward
I will not be afraid

Paddling through this endless puddle
No one surrounding me
I have to be my own motivation
I have to push on for me
And I can hear the voices in my head
Screaming like a crowd
And they are yelling and screaming
"Keep going! You can't give up now"
And with every ounce of strength I continue into the unknown

And soon I see a glimmer of light,
two birds, 
and then a tree
And I know that the victory
Is all meant for me

As the moon begins to go down
And the sun begins to rise
There is an overwhelming light
As soon as I open my eyes
And then all of a sudden
My world consists of happiness and also pain
And I am marching through it all
I will not be afraid

Life is full of challenges, but you shouldn't be afraid to face them. Walk fearlessly into your future, and don't give up on your hopes and dreams!!! -Monica Renata

If You Ever Shall Forget Me

If you ever shall forget me
If I never ever cross your thoughts
Do remember that I thought about you
And I care about you so much

If you ever shall forget me
And I am not even a memory in your dreams
Just know that I always wonder "what if"
When I'm drifting into sleep

Just like the sunrise is recurring
So are my thoughts of you
And I don't know if you despise me
But I'm guessing that you do
However this constant thought
Has been dwelling in my head
But alas I must let go
Before I drive myself insane

If you ever shall forget me
I would fully understand why
For I don't want to be the source of your pain
And I never want to see you cry
But sometimes forgetting someone
Is sometimes the best thing
But know that I will always cherish the memories
That you and I have made

The Psychic

She asked to look at  my hand

And she could tell me then

Tell me all about my future

Tell me about the past back then

I could tell she was being serious

By the look within her eyes

On the cold streets of New Orleans

I sat amongst her side

She said, "Child you have felt pain lately?"

And I said, "No indeed"

She then asked "Did you lose someone?"

And I said "That is clearly news to me!"

See I won't believe the hype about this

Even though she sounds convincing too

Because no one really knows my past

And I feel like they can't know my future too

But as I am trying to leave

She pulls my hand and says "Child stay now!"

And I look at her with a crazed look

I can't believe what is going down

And then all the people on that New Orleans street

Quickly fade away

And the only person who remains

Is a man all dressed in grey

The old woman says, "Be easy my child

For that is the man!

The man who can ruin it all"

And then she lets go of my hand

And soon the world returns 

To everything I once knew

The people are there

The music is there

Even the psychic too

I quickly give her a 20

And then walk away

I can't believe I wasted my hard earned cash

On something not so great

And then as I am walking

I notice a taxicab driver stop

He says, "Good day my lady, where would you like to be dropped off tonight?"

And in that very moment

I feel chills all down my spine

For he is the man dressed in grey

Then I wonder if it is my time

I tell him "No Thank You"

And then I get quickly on my way

And I wonder if the psychic was right

Or was it all just fake

Hours pass throughout the day

Tick Tock goes the clock

And then I heard on the news

Passengers in a cab have been shot.......

Constructive Criticism

Who are you?

And why do you do the things that you do?

Ever been asked those questions before? It's like in that instance you are utterly speechless because you feel as though you have all of the answers but yet again.. you are uncertain. What are all the itty bitty pieces that when put together form you? At the end of the day, some of us think that we know exactly who we are. We feel as though we know ever little detail, but when someone points out something about us, we say that can't be true....because after all "You are the only person who knows yourself fully!!"... or so you think.....

It's amazing how much you can learn from someone else. I mean, looking at yourself you think you are the best you that you can be, but in another person's eyes..you aren't that great....I know this sounds harsh but it is true. Sometimes you need to take into consideration what others say about you. For example, your tone of voice which you think is acceptable may be deemed as cold and harsh by others. The way in which you present yourself to others may make you seem stuck up even though you are so down to earth. All criticism isn't bad.......

It took me a while to realize this, but now I fully  understand. I mean, I have flaws like everyone else. If someone says the way in which I speak comes off as mean, I will ask them why and then try to correct it. After all, when countless people are saying the same thing....then the accusations must be true!!!..lol

We need to learn how to take constructive criticism. It isn't a bad thing and can also help with self improvement. By definition, constructive criticism is as follows:

Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.

It isn't that bad..........So the next time someone says something to you about YOU, don't be quick to snap back. This can actually help you. After all, You never know how you are perceived by the world unless you let  the world tell you. 

Have a great day!!! :)

The News

Every morning I wake up
I quickly turn on the news
And every single morning
I hear of another life gone too soon

I close my eyes and pray
I say, "God please make this stop"
But upon the next morning
I hear another person has been shot

What kind of world do we live in?
Why are people so quick to take a life?
It seems like there is no reason to speak up
Because the killers always think they are right

Each day we are losing mothers and fathers and also children too
But sometimes people won't fully understand
Until it happens to you

Imagine just having a great conversation
With someone who wants to change their life
They say all of the things they are doing
In order to keep their children in their life
But then the next morning
You hear that they were blown away
And you want to cry
But you can't
So you get on your knees and pray
Why did this have to happen?
Another life gone too soon
I wish all the violence would stop
I wish it would stop soon

It hurts a lot
But what can you do even though you have fear in your heart
You only have a voice
And with that you don't know where to start

But that voice you have inside of you can be a powerful thing
If you decide to use it in a fight you can stop all sorts of things
Speak to others about violence
Tell them how it is wrong
Reach out to the kids in your community
So they don't grow up killing their own
Make people wake up
and make people see
It could be your mother or even your child
Who is next laying in the street

We all want a better world
But that better world starts with you
Just stand up for what you believe in
And don't be afraid to speak the truth
We are all afraid of violence
That is evident to see
But we can't do anything about it
If you are afraid to speak

The Homecoming

Far into the distance
Past the rolling hills
I see a very faint figure
And I wonder what it is

As the seconds turn to minutes
This figure approaches me
Is it you? Is it you?
My heart beats fast and I can't breath

As it walks a little closer
I am finally able to see his face
I try to remain calm
But then a grin comes upon my face

I can't hold in my emotion
I run the rest of the way
For it is my love
He has come back
And I can't find the words to say

I hug him oh so tightly
I don't ever want to let go
For today I am a happy women
I'm happy because he has come home

12/13/14

12/13/14
Was going to be my special day
The day that ice cold wind would blow through my hair
That beautiful Saturday

The day I planned for
Each and every day
Always wishing for it to come
And not a moment too late

12/13/14
The world would feast their eyes on me
A girl dressed like royalty
Walking down the aisle all alone
To greet her groom to be

A beautiful day in my memories
Oh how I thought this would be
But now as time draws near
I know this future isn't for me

So many times we groom young girls with crazy hopes and dreams.
We tell them that they should be a wife above all and everything
We tell them this is your ultimate success
It will make all of their wishes come true
We tell these girls that if you were good
This would happen to you

But what if that little girl was good
Her entire frickin' life
And things just didn't work out for her
Things were just never right
But she has everything else
That a woman should be proud to be
She works hard and has a loving heart
Only thing is, she is not  a wife to be

Is she suppose to bow her head
Bow her head in constant shame
Or is she suppose to keep her head high
And have hopes that things will change
We groom our young girls to think
That being single just isn't right
They have to hurry and jump the broom
And do everything right

But what about that young girl
Who constantly works hard
She has no time for dating
Cause she is trying to save money to buy a car

And what about the young girl
Who is constantly in her books
She wants to have a good job
So each night she will have something to cook

And what about the young girl
Who wants to be stable first
She is trying to make sure she is secure
So her future family will have a shot

We forget about these young girls
And we look at them in disgust
"Why aren't you married yet?"
"Your eggs will dry all up!"

But sometimes the loveliest flower
Takes a bit more time to bloom
These girls are just like fruit
And shouldn't be picked too soon
For they are waiting until they are at their peak
And when they feel like they can offer enough
They then qualify to be a "wife-to-be"

12/13/14
Was going to be my special day
But I took too much time improving myself
And now it is too late
And yes I'm disappointed
I'm probably more disappointed than you
But I can't give a man a premature crop
When he could have ripe fruit

Working

Building up with pressure
Trying hard not to bat my eyes
I stare into the distance
I can't reveal the hurt inside

Consuming myself with work
Each and every day
It helps me to relax at times
And takes all of my worries away

And then it hits once again
Just like a blood stained knife
The pain is too unbearable
But I hide it with all my might

I have to smile today
Just like I did yesterday
But I feel like I'm about to erupt
Can I last another day?

I'm building up with pressure
Trying not to cry
And in my head I continually ask myself
Why? Why? Why?

But yet I won't show any of this
I will continue to be me
Consume myself with countless work
And smile like I am happy

Peanut Butter

Peanut butter and jelly
Has always been my favorite treat
I grab my bread and knife
And I can't wait to eat

I open the can of peanut butter
And take out one big glob
But then I put three-fourths back
For I might want more next time

I take the other slice of bread
And place the jelly on in heaps
I look at the amount I placed
And I am happy and pleased

I slather my bread with jelly
So much that the bread starts to droop
And then I place the two breads together
Of my wonderful glooby gloop

I am marveled at my magic
Can't wait to taste these two fillings unite
But when I taste my sandwich
It just tastes like jelly delight

Not a trace of peanut butter
Can even be found
I guess I spread it too thin
And I find that quite profound

You see, they call me peanut butter
That is actually my nickname
They said I spread myself too thin
Among the ones I seem to entertain

No one ever gets that much of me
They only get an itty bitty piece
Cause just like my peanut butter and jelly sandwich
The peanut butter is so discreet

They call me peanut butter
Yep, that is my name
But I have to learn to stop spreading myself thin
And focus on just a few things

Imprisoned

Shackles on my ankles
Shackles on my neck
I am weighed down by my sorrows
It feels like I have no one left

No peak of sunlight
Not even a window to see
I am within my own solidarity
Locked up and they threw away the key

I know that I can rise up
And I know how
But there is something deep within me
That will not allow

The essence of a burning inferno
No one can calm this beast
It is called my Pride
And It cannot and will not be released

Oh the countless situations
That I could easily walk by
But I won't allow myself the privelage
To admit I was wrong at times

 The wavering relentlessness
The beast inside of me
I am blinded by my foolish pride
And this beast won't set me free

My Dream of Me and You

If eternities really lasted forever

And skies were always blue

I would sit under the biggest tree

And profess my love to you

If the night sky always stayed still

And the moon shined bright in the sky too

I would lay underneath the stars

And dream of me and you

So many times I ponder

On what you and I could be

I reminiscence about the time together

And wonder if you would ever leave

The uncertainty of it all kills me

But it doesn't kill my heart

Which keeps beating for you every single second

That you and I are apart

If things could be my way

I would have everything including you

But instead I will sit here and wait

Til my dream of you and I come true

Silence

Sitting in complete silence
Overwhelmed by thoughts
To have so many questions to ask
Yet feel completely lost

For who is there to speak to
When troubles comes my way
I sit in complete silence
And I wait and I wait

But in those little minutes
Which turned to hours then to days
I realize that this deafening silence
might be my only friend

And it is screaming at me

Leave this empty room filled with thoughts
Go out and make some new friends
Now is the time to start

For Silence isn't for you my child
It causes too much pain indeed
Silence is the beginning of the end
And it is now your turn to leave
 

Many times when we experience a loss, whether in death or friendship, we begin to seclude ourselves from the world around us. But that isn't always the healthiest thing to do.

 Sometimes it's better to just give up on someone than to wait and see if things will work out. Because at the end of the day, you  never really know how it will turn out and you might end up getting your feelings hurt worst than they already are. -Monica Renata

The Morning Hustle

Stumbling on forgotten sleep
Awaken from my slumber
My body moves in  decrepit ways
But my bed I can rest in no longer

The morning dew is beautiful out
Yet no birds are there to sing
For I had to rise before the sun
I do this every day

What is my motivation?
It's called a J.O.B.
For I would rather lose countless slumber
Than wake up each morning without a place to be

And yes I do value
The days that I have away
For when I am free from work
I can slumber all night and day

Work shouldn't consume your life. You should work to get the money that you want to live the life you want to live. That is its only purpose. Enjoy your life! -Monica Renata

The Climb

Climbing up this mountain

Gripping trying not to fall

I put aside all my fear

I will not be overwhelmed by it all

The sun radiates down

And the wind whips across my back

I feel my heart beat faster

And then my body starts to react

My grip gets much tighter

My feet lock in place too

I am like a little spider

Trying to climb out of a glass of juice

But yet I cannot give up

And I will not give up now

I reach up ahead of me

And I never look back down

I keep going til I am almost there

And then my fingers bleed

But this is just one trouble

I will have to suck up indeed

Hand, Foot

Hand, Hand, Foot

Seems to be the pattern of the climb

And then I feel a blade of grass

And I know the win is mines

Life is full of challenges

Some are mountains indeed

But just have faith in yourself

And always believe

Believe that you are capable

Believe that you can accomplish all

Because you will be surprised at the things you can accomplish

Even though they are so tall

They always said I couldn't do it

They said it was too much for me

But I have climbed a mountain every day

And the mountain is the one who faced defeat

Life is full of challenges. Some are big and some are small. Sometimes we complain about hills in life, and fear the mountains because they are so tall. But every goal can be accomplished, and it all starts within you. For you can complete any climb, if to yourself you are always true!!  -Monica Renata

The Last Kiss

A kiss
Something that can mean so little
Yet also mean the most
I sit down and I wonder
I ponder what it would be like
For they are the object of my desire
Yet, I am afraid
I am afraid to make a move because I am doubtful
But I wonder
Could this be it.....
Could this be the first kiss that turns into the last kiss of my life
Could this person be the one to open my eyes to a new world I have yet to encounter
Hmmmm....

I never encountered a love like this

You are the my first and my last kiss

Emotion so raw and yet so true

All of my emotions that I have for you

Two souls connecting 

Dancing lightly in air

I can feel it in my heart

Because in my heart you are there

So unbelievable 

I never thought it to be true

Two souls intertwined 

As lovers do

Flesh touches flesh

And bodies unite

You grab me softly

I don't want to leave from your sight

Kiss me so passionately 

Like true loves do

My first

My last

Will always be you

My Favorite Flowers

Just like my favorite flowers

So beautiful and bright

Enhances the mood of the room

Radiates in the light

Each petal is uniquely beautiful

The fragrance smells so divine

You remind me of my favorite flowers

Only difference is that you get better with time

The Collection

A collection of so many pieces
These pieces which create a whole
Never truly ever seen together
Yet each piece continues to grow old

A collection of beautiful pieces
Yet few only the eye can see
The owner holds on to each piece tightly
Rarely giving others one piece

A beautiful collection
I decided to give to you
Giving you the ability to piece together
All of my inner truths
Oh how much I have given
I have given so much of me
You had every piece that made me whole
You had every piece of me

A collection of so many pieces
These pieces which create a whole
I prayed and prayed and prayed to God
To find someone who could hold..
Hold on to every piece of me
Be there when I needed a friend
Accept me for who I am
Help soothe my doubts within
I thought I found that person..
That one who's hands were large enough to hold
But instead now my pieces
Are smaller pieces than before

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty
That's what they say to me
Yet they take no time
To see what's underneath

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty
That's what they seem to see
But what if all of this makeup
Quickly went away

Pretty, oh so pretty
What it is like being a girl
Being valued by her physical appearance
While her insides are ignored by the world

I could say I miss you

I could say that I miss you
But that wouldn't mean a thing
For I don't think you even care
I don't think you care about me

I could say that I miss you
But that wouldn't make sence at all
Because if I really missed you
Maybe I would pick up the phone and call

I could say that I miss you
But my actions prove otherwise
I pretend like it doesn't bother me
But I'm really hurting inside

I could say I miss you
In fact, I really do
But what is the point of missing someone
Who doesn't miss you

Money, Money, Money

Money, Money, Money

It can buy you many things

It can buy you flashy cars

It can buy you diamond rings

It can put food on the table

And also gas in your ride

Money, Money, Money

We need that in our lives

Whether it is paper or shiny copper coins

We want more and we need more now!

For money we can't avoid

It is essential to our existence

Or so we think somehow

Money, Money, Money

We need it for everything

We want it all

We need it all

We have to have it today

Those clothes you wear today

That burger and those fries

The toothpaste used to brush your teeth

Each had a dollar value

Each cost cash to see

The house you live in

Your medical care

The coffin when you die

Money, Money, Money

It seems like it buys everything you need in your life

But then when you get at home 

You finally sit around and think...

And that's when it finally hits you

You really haven't bought a thing

Oh what joy it is to be surrounded

By so many materialistic things

I thought money bought me happiness

But money didn't buy me a thing

The best things in life have no value. Appreciate each moment and love with all your heart! -Monica Renata

Grandpa Said

Grandpa told me  many things

I still remember what he said

He said treat others with kindness

And don't let success go to your head

He said appreciate the little things

Because those are the things that matter the most

Don't ever forget where you came from

Because it will help you get to where you plan to go

Oh I still remember

All the things that grandpa said

So I live life according to this

And I must admit life is going swell

Who knew that those few words

Could fit exactly into life

Grandpa told me many things

And grandpa was very right

The Life

Head on my pillow

Cool breeze through the night

I feel your arms around me

And I know that this is the life

The life that I wanted.......

The life that I dreamed....

You make me happy....

You make me sing.....

Fingers going through my hair

I can feel you as you breathe

You hold on to me so tightly

I don't ever want to see you leave

Don't wake up

Stay in this moment forever

I want you here

I have to have you forever

Kiss me so softly 

All through the night

I don't even open my eyes

As your fingers intertwine with mines

I feel your arms around me

And I know that this is the life

HATE.......An Unneccessary Burden

I have learned many things in life. I have learned countless things which were mistakenly learned.... I have learned so much..........And I appreciate this!

Of all of these lessons, one has stood out the most to me.
This lesson has made me have the strength to get over countless situations.
This lesson has actually brought happiness in my life....
And that lesson is *drum roll please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Hating someone gets you NO WHERE!!!

I mean think about it.........where does it get you? Does it make your future brighter? Does it bring a smile to your face every single day to hate someone? The answer is no. It does nothing for you. When  you hate someone you just bring unneeded stress into your life. I mean, honestly, do you think the person that you "hate" is taking the time and the energy out of their day to speak harsh words or consume their thoughts about you? 

When you hate someone, you create a burden which you carry on until you actually forgive that person for his or her ways or actions. There is no point in holding on to a grudge, because quite frankly... It isn't worth it. Find it in your heart to forgive someone for their mistakes, or better yet, if you have wronged them in any way as well APOLOGIZE! So many of us are quick to point out others wrongs, but we neglect to recognize our own. 

I use to despise others. I was treated badly and I uttered those dreadful words, "I hate him" or "I hate her" and although it may have felt nice saying them....guess what???!!! ............ They didn't change a damn thing..lol. Besides, I realize that at times I may treat others badly as well, even if it is not purposely.....

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

People are people........

Everyone isn't a saint every day

We all have done some wrong in our life

And there is no reason to hate someone for it

Just move on

Don't burden  yourself with hate

Instead of speaking harsh words about your enemy, speak kind words about your friend. Instead of posting status on social networks about things in which you H-A-T-E, talk  about the things you love. Replace all of this negativity with something else. You will be surprised at how much happiness you let into your life, and into the lives of others as well!!!

A New Truth {Just Something on my Mind}

This is a piece I found that I wrote in 2008. I read it this morning and surprising I kind of feel the same way today. If all the negative energy was used for something positive, then so much could be accomplished. -Monica Renata


Quite frankly, I have been surrounded by so many negative people that I am shame to admit that I know. It appears that everyone has a problem with EVERYONE ELSE, and they can't seem to get along. And then I am put into the middle of the situation, and forced to choose a side. Everyone always gives me the excuse about, "Well who did you know for the longest?"........Well I thought about this like for so so long. And I couldn't even find the correct answer to this question. What am I to say? I knew you for two years but then I know the other for about one year. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE, I have no clue......But yeah, I finally found the answer to that question, and the answer is OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THIS WHOLE WORLD, I knew ME for the longest.

I am sick and tired of people who want to always constantly go at it with other people. It's like WHAT IS THE DEAL???!!!! If they took all of this time and energy they use to be mean and disrespectful to others and do something productive, just imagine the possibilities. I am also tired of people just downgrading each other for doing the right thing. I don't mean to call anyone out, but SO WHAT IF I GO TO CLASS EVERYDAY!!!! I am paying for it, kinda. Besides, I do not want to be a NOBODY for the rest of my life. I am on a mission and I expect to reach my ultimate goal by 2015 {I know that is a long time, but I know what I am doing}.

I just don't understand.........Why does everyone have to be against each other? Why does some call others LAME just because they are doing the right thing? Why is it disregarded as nothing when someone finally achieves something that took so many long hours and dedication to obtain? Why do so many people create problems in their lives then a year or two down the road want to regret it?

All I am saying, is that some people need to think. For a long time, I thought the problem was me. However, I realized that EVERYTHING cannot be my fault. I try to make the world a better place. I lend a helping hand to all who ask for it. I try to be a friend to almost anyone who is willing......I just don't know..........Maybe I am too nice, but I do not think that anyone can ever be TOO NICE.....But we need to just get our act together. Stop being against each other. And try to work together for a better future.......I know that this whole thing probably was kinda cheesy......and some may be like "Oh, Monica needs to just shut up"......But truth is truth....Some of us just really need to get our act together.

Learn To Listen = Listen to Learn

When was the last time you used your ears?
When was the last time you used them to hear what was going on around you?
Do you remember?
Can you exactly tell me the last conversation you had that mattered?
Probably not...........and the reason why is because your ears were open...but you weren't listening.

Throughout the day it appears as though the only voice you truly listen to is your own. You can hear  your mouth moving a mile a minute. You cut others off so you can finish your elaborate sentences. You correct others as soon as they voice their opinion because it goes against what you were just speaking of. You go on and on and on and on...but you don't listen to anyone... anyone but yourself.

Everyone's words have value. We just have to listen. Sure someone might not have the same viewpoint as you but you should respect their viewpoint and at least hear them out. For you never know.... maybe someone needed to get out how they really felt. Maybe if they expressed how they truly felt it would change so many things...but you won't listen... and they know this... they know you don't care... so they quietly keep everything to themselves.... They want you to listen. They tried to get you to listen....but you won't.

I sit under the moon and the stars

I have so much to say but I know that it doesn't matter

Why speak when I will not be heard?

The battles I am going through I must go through alone

Cause no one else is there

No one else will listen...

I feel as if I am on a cloud which has no true direction

I listen to so many others express themselves

But when I finally say something

I am reprimanded and told "It's not all about you"...

But what is about me? 

I am everyone's shoulder to cry on

But who is going to be mines?

Where is my shoulder?

Why must I be so strong?

Strong for you... strong for them... strong for myself...

I hold so much in to satisfy the world

I smile so that I don't let others down

I give my last just so others will not have to do without.....

But who has my back?

Who can I turn to when I need guidance? 

Who can listen to my true feelings and not judge me based upon them?

Who??

People let you down........ People sometimes won't listen to a word you say..... but what can you do about it? Sometimes you have to just get down on your knees and pray about something over and over again..People let you down, but God doesn't. People sometimes won't listen to a word you say, but God does. He knows what you are going through and he can understand it far better than any other human has. Oh the battle that some people go through in order to just be heard........

Is it really that hard to listen?

When was the last time you used your ears to hear me?
When was the last time you used them to hear what was going on around you?
Do you remember?
Can you exactly tell me the last conversation you and I had that mattered?
What was the last thing I said?
Was it important to you or did you brush it off?
Did you even really try to listen?..........
Probably not...........and the reason why is because your ears were open...but you weren't listening because although they were open they were actually shut.

when you listen you learn.
You learn about me
You learn about them
And you can learn about you as well...
But first you need to learn to listen
In order to listen successful

Sometimes we cannot grasp the true beauty of one's soul because we fail to listen. In failing to listen, we fail to learn the true essence of the person within. Learn to listen so that you may listen to learn. -Monica Renata

Let Your Guard Down

Why do you always have your guard up?
It's like you built a wall and you won't let anyone in!
Why can't you be normal?

How many times have you heard those words before? How many times have others made you feel inadequate because you were afraid to reveal your true feelings about a certain topic? It's crazy because I'm pretty sure we have all heard this before. We may here it once a month or even twice a day, but we hear it. So why do you have your guard up? Is it because you are use to getting hurt and you want to shield your heart from all of the pain and heartache? Is it because you know that disappointments can be unbearable at times so you try to protect yourself? Or is it because you are selfish and you feel like no one deserves to get in?

Many times when we behave in such a manner, we are trying to protect ourselves. We are trying to protect our feelings... Protect our heart...but in the end we end up hurting ourselves because we end of being deprived of some of the basic emotions which make us happy....like the emotions we feel when we get close to someone...It's like everyone was write.... It's like you built a wall and you won't let anyone in. People show you love and you can't respond. Hate is shown to you and yet you are not affected... It's like you are numb to all that is around you. But you are okay... and that's what matters, right?

You lose so much whenever you have your guard up, and it is up to you to determine if it is worth it. Will you always be so afraid of getting hurt that you protect your heart as if it was the King's castle but lose every possible ounce of happiness that someone else could introduce? Or do you let your guard down....take down that wall piece by piece.... and hand someone a few bricks which they can decide to throw at you or help build a path for the two of you to walk on...

People build walls because at the end of the day, they know that although there is good in the world, evil still does exist. They also know that if you give up your protection, you are giving another person the opportunity to be the new protector or the one who breaks you apart. As I said before, when you take down your wall, you hand another person the bricks and they decide what they will do with them. They could decide to build a path with those bricks... a path that can open both of your paths in life... Or they can take those bricks... grasp them tightly in the palms of their hands and throw with all of their might until you are finally to the ground.... That reality scares many... that's what makes that wall stay intact for years upon years.... that's what makes someone believe that protecting themselves is more important than "true happiness"....because although true happiness has the greatest feeling in the world, nothing can compare to complete and total despair caused by heartache.

So the next time you run into someone, just give it some thought before you ask those few questions.
Why do you always have your guard up?
It's like you built a wall and you won't let anyone in!
Why can't you be normal?

Maybe there guard is up because so  many have let them down.
Maybe they built a wall so they could no longer be hurt from the pains of everyday life..
Maybe this is their normal.........
You never really know....

Guards do come down with time. But if you don't want to wait, then most likely you weren't worth the destruction of the other persons wall.

Can't Bring Me Down

I can't give up

I can't let disappointments get the best of me

Sometimes I may fall.... 

But I have to get back up

I must get back up!!!

I can't let the world break me. 

I can't let them break me down

They can't

And they won't!!

I will rise up

stronger than before

stronger than I have ever been

Today opens up a new chapter

I am changing the end of my own book of life

Sometimes it is great to go astray

And that is what I shall do 

No more holding my head down

No more feeling ashamed

No more being untrue to myself

I have to make it 

I want to make it

And I will not let anyone bring me down this time

Keep

Keep in mind those feelings
Keep in mind the words you say
Keep in mind your actions
For these affect others each day

Keep in mind your tone of voice
Keep in mind the way you slant your eyes
For they can make others feel as though they shouldn't speak to you at times

Keep in mind the ones you care about
Keep in mind how you don't want them to go away
Fix your problems within your world
Don't let your problems drive others away

Keep in mind those feelings
Keep in mind the words you say..
Because sometimes when you act recklessly
You make others walk away

Don't let the stresses of the world push away people who actually care about you. Learn how to not exert the anger from other faucets of your life upon those who love you....for if you don't...they might walk away. Don't throw away something you always thought you would keep. -Monica Renata

Genuine Kindness

Kindness....
Genuine Kindness...
What ever happened to this?
When was the last time you were kind to someone?
Not because you had to be kind...but because you wanted to be kind?

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with our own lives that we think that we cannot spare an ounce of kindness. After all, it seems as though no one is taking time out of their day to show you "genuine kindness", so why should you bother showing someone else that?  We walk around each day and only think about me, Me, ME...but what about everyone else?

You are having a good day..someone else is having a good day too
You are having a bad day....someone else is having a bad day too
You are upset....someone else is upset too
But you will never know...
People are hard to read at times, but kindness has a way of making people smile

Genuine kindness...
That random kindness
That simple compliment
That helping hand...
People appreciate things like that..

It is true that some people do not appreciate kindness. They abuse those who are kind to them
But just because people like that exist, it doesn't mean that you should be afraid to be kind. You never know how your kindness can affect someone. Your encouraging words may give a young student the strength to finish school even though they were contemplating dropping out. Your assistance may make someone believe that it is possible to accomplish things they thought could never be reality. Your presence and support can make someone believe they are not alone.... Genuine kindness can do so much!!!

I guess what I am trying to say is........ Be kind to others. Others may not be kind to you, but be kind for yourself. It is such a blessing to reawaken a dead soul, and sometimes genuine kindness can do that for some people. Trust me... for kindness has done the same for me. :)

Life is Beautiful

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

But what is there to hold

For life changes everyday

It will continue to change until we grow old

But what is the point of loving something

Exactly as it is now

For when time moves forward each second

Things seem to change somehow

Winter Comes

The sunny days have past

And now comes the icy wind

Freezing all it comes in contact with

on the outside and deep within

Oh how long will this last?

How long will it take the ice to thaw?

For sometimes winters last forever

Despite the presence of the sun

Changing Others

You can't change other people
You can't make someone see what you see
And too many times we put in time and effort to try to accomplish those things

But people are people
They are entitled to feel how they feel
And their emotions may be dependent on your actions
But you can't control how they feel

You can't change someone
You can't make them see things your way
They have to want to change themselves
And observe others perspectives about things

So stop trying to make this happen
Stop trying to force others to believe
Because they will listen when they want to listen
And speak when they want to speak
You say a thousand words and they only heard 3
You can't change what doesn't want to be changed
You can only just wait and see

Sometimes change takes a while in a person
And they need to realize that change starts with M-E
And even with change within yourself
You must realize that it always starts with YOU

It's that simple....

The Ship

Beautifully made

And wonderfully created

The greatest ship sailing the seas

Across many different waters

This ship shall continue to sail

Even though its unknown of the path it continues to seek

It sails through the moon and the sunlight

It also sails through the rain

Always staying strong and firm

So beautifully and wonderfully made

There is always a fear that it will sink

But this fear holds the ship back none

For life is full of chances 

Positive and negative ones

And the only time the negative things affect you

Is when you give them a chance

For if you don't let negativity in

You will continue to sail

See people are a lot like ships

They change direction sometimes with the wind

But usually when they are in a determined path

They do whatever it takes

Whatever it takes to let them get there

Whatever it takes to make sure everyone is safe

Sailing smoothly through life

And encountering thunderstorms along the way

But all in all they survive it all

Because of their will to live

However sometimes people let negative thoughts conjure within their head

And these negative thoughts become a part of you

And they open you up to the world

And then you let the words of others flow through you like water from that sea would

And then you become heavy

So heavy you begin to sink

And at that moment you are panicking

But you try to fix the leak

For people are just like ships you know

Beautifully and wonderfully made

They are constantly something negative around

Like the water to the ship in the sea

But an entire body of water can't sink a ship

unless water gets inside

And when that water slowly creeps in 

you can usually find a fix in time

But if you don't fix it soon

And let the negatives fester and swell

The water will continue to gather

And your ship will soon sink instead of sail

But at the end of the day I just want you to know

That no matter what you go through

Negativity in this world can only bring you down 

If you allow it inside of you

Sure it can  surround you at times

But you can and must prevail

Be the ship that sails the seas through the sunny days and the storms

And don't let the negatives in life bother you

Don't let the wind constantly sway you too

For you are the ship  that is sailing through life

so to your path, always stay true

And don't dwell on all the negatives constantly coming your way

Just continue on with your life

For you shall sail another day

What wakes you up in the morning?

You awaken from your slumber
And yet again you have been blessed with another day to live
So, the question is...
What do you do?
What will you accomplish today?
Something is waking you up every morning, but what is it?

At times, we never really ask ourselves these questions
We feel like time is fleeting away so fast that we rush to take on the day
Yet we don't take the time to appreciate it for what it is
We don't take the time to say thank you for what we have
We don't take the time to say I love you to the many people we may love...
So give it some thought now

What makes you wake up in the morning?
What makes you push through each and every day?
There is something.........
Someone..............
I don't know what or who it is...but you do
And to be honest, what you wake up for each day probably makes you so happy
But you don't really know it...
Because you never really took the time to think about it
Because you were too busy trying to make perfect use of every second within your day

So take the time today to be thankful for what you have
Be thankful for the people in your life
Be happy with your current situation because there are people worst off than you
Be happy that you were blessed with another day!
Pick up the phone and tell someone how much you care about them
Express to them your true feelings without being ashamed
After all.....
Sometimes the very things that wake you up
Can also leave in an instant
So appreciate it while it is here

Never change for others, Only change for YOURSELF.

That Moment

That moment

That one moment 

That moment that you can't get out of  your head

That moment that plays over and over and over

That moment you wish you could forget but yet always remember

You know....that moment

We all had that moment

That moment that we relive in our heads over and over again

We analyze it completely

And then we question ourselves

"What if I did this?"

"What if I did that?"

"Was it even worth it?"

"Could I fix it?"

"Is it worth fixing?"

Yeah... that moment

That moment can consume our lives at time

But what should you do? 

Just forget it? 

Forget it ever happened? 

I mean.. maybe it isn't as such of a big deal as you currently think

After all, you might not even care

But yet....

You are thinking about it

You constantly wonder about it

.....But you still wonder if you care

Should you care?

You don't know...

I don't know either...

So yet that moment lives on

In your head

consuming your thoughts

Slowing killing a little piece of you

You develop doubts

You feel as though you are the problem

And then you place yourself in a state of isolationism

Cause that moment...

That one moment.....

Consumes you....

Confuses you....

And makes you question yourself....

Forever you cannot move forward

Frozen 

Confused

Hurt

You remain..

For you are stuck in that moment

But you need to move on

Perfection

Perfect
I just want things to be perfect
I want my dreams to be the blueprint to my reality
I want everything to fit just like the 1000th piece fits on a puzzle
Perfectly in its place
Completing the puzzle
Beautifully perfect

I want one plus one to equal two happy people
Perfectly complimenting each other
I don't want to see any hurt or pain
The only tears I want to see are those of joy
I want my world to be filled with happiness and bliss
Your world... My world.....
I want it to be perfect

I want everything to be how I envisioned them in my dreams
I want it all
I want all things to just be perfect

Each day you wake up
And you do what you can to make this all come true
You work hard
You sacrifice everything
Your social life, experiences, and many other things
Because you want to prepare yourself for the world
You are planning out ever single detail of your life
Because you want it to be PERFECT
Exactly how you want it
Exactly how it SHOULD be in your mind

Whether it is an enhanced vision of what you had
Or something that you yearned for because you never had it before
You want it
You want it with your heart and soul
You want it with every last breathe
You want it so much that it brings tears to you eyes
You give up your own happiness sometimes because each unbearable day that you experience
You know that one day... Your future will be perfect....
You want it to be perfect........ This is at least something you feel as though you deserve......

And then.........reality crashes down on you and makes you realize that perfection doesn't exist
All that you wanted is there in the world but it is kinda messed up
It isn't exactly what you want but you still want it
It isn't exactly how you would want it to be packaged but you still yearn for it
And then all of these feelings get mixed up and you wonder if you could ever find Perfection
And then your quest for perfection makes you wonder if giving up something that makes you happy...
Really really happy.... is worth it
I mean, could you even find something better?
Was it meant for you to find "perfection"?

We all want things to be perfect
We all have our own perfectly perfect dreams
But sometimes we run away from things...
Because they are not exactly "perfect" to us
We let perfectly flawed people walk into our lives
And we get upset because they are a little off....
They are off from the blueprint that you dreamt up
But other than that they are perfect
But we still want that "perfect" blueprint to come into existence
We can't give up on what we worked years and months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and every painstaking second for .......

Our foolish pride won't deter us for our quest for perfection
We have to have it
We feel like we deserve it
We yearn for it
But at the end of the day....... Does perfection really exist?

1st Place

Always being pushed to the side
Never really been first
Life is like a racing game
In life I want to come in first

Pushing aside the negativity
Avoid being pushed back by the wind
Steady pace as I hold my head up
I have to reach the end

I could never really get that gold
I could never get that win
So I keep trying to get in first place
But it seems like I won't win

I know exactly what I want
But the question is "How?"
Seems like I can't ever come in first
Not then and not even now

The Cut

She came back Thursday
With tears burning inside
Waiting to be released
But instead of shedding those awful tears
She grabbed a pen so she could release
Release the feelings she had inside
Release how hurt she was
She gripped the pen tightly
And she keep writing along and along

"I wish things were this way"
"I wish he felt the same "
She even questioned herself on paper
"Perhaps the problem is me?"
On and on she continued to write
And wouldn't let those tears fall from  her eyes
She had to be the strong one
She had to not cry

Writing and writing and writing away
She sinks into her world
Excludes herself from reality
And wishes she was no more
Yet no one will ever know the pain
The pain that resides within she
She envisions that the paper is her flesh
And her pen cuts with each word she dare not speak
And the blood that trickles down
Makes such lovely words indeed
For her feelings she keeps deep inside
For when she hurts she does not speak

She came home Thursday
with tears in her eyes
Waiting to be  released
She grabbed her trusted notebook
And began to write a piece
Each word she wrote down
cut deep....deep into her soul
For she was slowly dying inside
But the word shall never know

Oh trusted pen and paper
You are her only friend
You are the one she confides in
But when will this end?
She needs to open up to someone else
She needs a "real" friend
Because even though her pen and paper is there
It can't be her only friend

Who is holding you back?

There are troubles in life
There are lessons to be learned
Sometimes it seems like a losing batter
Sometimes life can be hard

Situations may not be the best
Our feelings may be hurt
But you have to decide if you will stand still
Or move forward....
Move forward and face what's stopping you

At the end of the day
Who is stopping you?
Sure people can tell you that "You can't"
But only you can decide if that is true or not

Look in mirror
That's the person who can hold you back
That is the person whose own words can imprison them within the walls of their own flesh
That is the person who will determine how your life will turn out
That person is you

It's crazy how we are our own best friend
We are our own motivator
We are our own pusher
And yet we can be our own downfall at times

Don't let your fear hold you back
Don't let your doubts prevent you from doing something
Don't let your emotions get the best of you
Because at the end of the day
You might think others were holding you back
But the truth is..
It was all you...

You were scared
You were confused
You made an unwise decision and are trying to bounce back
You decided to do this
You decided to do that
It was all YOU
But things can get better
You can move forward
There is no one holding you back.....but you

"Ms. I Need You Today"

Hey, I'm right here!!

Can you see me!

Today is another day!

Today is no longer yesterday!

Today is now TODAY!

I have come to the conclusion that yesterday was just another day

But today is something different

It is a day you need me to play

Play a role in your life

Be the queen that protects the king

For I have value in your life today

Which I didn't have yesterday indeed!

So call me whatever you may like

Because on other days I don't have a name

but I think it is quite fitting to call me

"Ms.I Need You Today"

For other times you don't care

And other times you don't call

But when you need me desperately

You expect me to pick up your every call

You expect me to listen to all you say

You expect me to sympathize

But I can't say how I feel

I have to always wear a disguise 

Hi, I'm "Ms. I Need You Today"

It is sad but true

But don't forget about those yesterdays

When I needed you to come through

And all I need was some words of advice

Or even just a friend

But yesterday you did not need me

So you left me alone once again

Running

I'm running, running, running
Trying to keep up with your pace
I'm running and I'm running
Trying desperately to win this race
I'm trying... I'm trying so hard
But I am also questioning
If it is about time that I finally face defeat

You see sometimes you can go so far
But don't have that extra strength
That strength that will move you past this rut
The strength that will make you win
You give all of yourself
Every single bit
But still it isn't enough
And now you are doubting yourself
Because your best isn't good enough

I'm running, running, running
Trying to keep up with your pace
I'm running and I'm running
Trying desperately to win this race
I'm trying... I'm trying so hard
But I guess it won't ever be
So maybe I should let my legs rest
And finally face defeat

The Man

Mama always reminded me of you
She always said, "daughter be careful because they are out there"
And  you know what
I didn't believe her
She always said that sometimes you can't tell by looking at the outside
She said sometimes words can be spoken but not meant
And I was naive
I didn't believe her
She could not possibly know better
But you know what.....
Mama was right.....

Mama always reminded me of you
She said be weary of the man dressed in fine clothes
Who says he has an untainted heart
She said be weary of the man who says he loves you
However his body language does not show it
She said "be weary my daughter"
 And I thought she was old
I thought she didn't know
But you know what, mama did know

And oh how I wish I would have listened to mama
Mama knew of your kind and she tried to warm me
Yet I was naive
I believe that no one could possibly be that bad
I believed that everyone at least had an ounce of kindness in their heart
But obviously..... I was wrong

That man
The manipulator
The womanizer
The one who just doesn't care
Mama always reminded me of you
She said your kind existed
And I have finally encountered it for myself