How

How am I to trust you

When you clearly don't trust me?

How am I to understand where you are coming from

If you won't let me see?

How am I suppose to confide in you

If you can't talk to me now?

How am I suppose to make you happy

When it seems like I can never make you smile?

I'm trying so hard to trust you

But you don't trust me

I want to see where you are coming from

But you won't let me see

I want to confide in you

But you can't even talk to me now

I want to make you happy

But you won't let me make you smile....

What am I to do

When I want US to be......

I am now constantly wonder

If there will ever be...

A you and me

Getting Rid of the Burden

Riding on your coat tails
Unable to pick up the slack
Consuming all your thoughts
Who knows what comes next

I know this is hard for you
I know you are wondering why
But I promise I won't be a burden
I'm just going to let all of this die

Stress is through the rough right now
Unable to stand on two feet
Can't even hear my heart beat
But somehow it is pounding as we speak

It's just too much for you right now
It's even too much for me
But I will relieve you of this burden
I'm preparing as we speak

Emotions running high
Days and nights I can't sleep
I gotta do what's best for you
I gotta do what's best for me

I know this is hard for you
Because it is definitely hard for me
But this burden has got to go
So don't let tears fall down your cheeks

Love Letter

There are words that float around my head

But won't come from my lips

And these words would mean so much to you

But I am afraid to admit

Admit how I feel about you

Admit how you make me feel

I have all these words inside my head

But speaking them sounds too unreal

Instead of speaking endlessly

And being afraid to come in your sight

I will write down all the words I want to say

Words in which you would like

I want you to know that I care about you

That you make me so happy

That every night I think about you

And every time I see you it's like a dream

I want you to know I love to hold your hand

That feeling is so divine

As my fingers slip between your fingers

I know you and I are so right

I want you to know that you make me smile

More than I have ever smiled before

And at times I'm afraid of loving you

Because I haven't loved someone like this before

Of all the words I never speak

That always float in my head

The majority are very positive

And I'm just afraid to say it

So next time I am quite

Don't take it as such a bad thing

There are many things I want to tell you

Yet I am sometimes afraid to speak

And instead of speaking endlessly

I think I might just continue to write

I love you

I love you 

I love you

And I know that you and I are so right!!

Krispy Kreme

Sweeter than cake

But brilliant too

I lick my lips

I can't wait to taste you

So soft and yet oh so sweet

Euphoric feelings take over me

Your body I can't wait to taste

Your warmth makes me run to you before it's too late

I close my eyes

And I swallow you

I savor the moment

Until breakfast is through

Oh in the mornings how I think of you

So soft, so sweet, and lightly glazed too

Your bad for my health

But your good for me too

Oh Krispy Kreme donuts

How I so love you

Who Knows

Who knows what tomorrow holds? 

Who knows where we will be? 

Who knows the depths of the oceans? 

Who knows the entire contents of the seas?

No one may know these things

No one may know the truth

But what I do know

Is how I feel for you

I don't know what tomorrow holds

But I wish it was a future with you

I don't know where I will be

But hopefully it's standing next to you

I don't know the depths of the seas

But I know that I love you so deep

I don't know the entire contents of the seas

But I know within you I found me

I know all of these things

I know all of these are my inner truths

But most importantly I know exactly

How I really feel about you

Racing Forward

Heart beats loud

I move my feet

Fear overtaking me

Who knows what the future holds? 

I think that I will never know..

Eyes closed shut

My mouth won't react

I am lost and confused

In the corner I sat

Wondering what I am to do

I wonder if it is them I should pursue

My heart beats loud

I move my feet

Fear then starts to overtake me

But I can't let go of what I don't know

So I run into my future

Without my eyes closed

My mouth which was shut

Can now speak

I am lost and confused

But I can't let this be

Move out of the corner

And into the light

I have to be and finally pursue

The person I would like

I have to stop wondering

It is time to pursue

"You can't be the reason that you hold back YOU"

That voice in my head is definitely right

I have to reach my utmost potential

I have to live my LIFE

Short & Sweet

Short and sweet

Like two words in melody

The feeling when you hold my hand

Joyous are the days I am with you

The feeling of two kids playing in sand

To know you is to love you

And loved you is what I did

Short and sweet

Like the two words I spoke

Whenever you asked for my hand

Tug-Of-War

For years I used to enjoy tug-of-war
For I thought it was unique
But after growing older
I found out that the victory wasn't so sweet

I question what is the point
Of bloodying your hands
In hopes of winning a battle
That just pulls you across some land

What are you really winning?
It is just a coarse rope!?
There is no magical thing that happens!
It seems like all a big joke

But now that I am older
Someone wants to play this game
And in my head I'm thinking
They have to be insane

What's the point of trying so hard
To get you on my side
When each time I pull harder
I can feel a piece of you die

And each time that you grip tighter
You kill a piece of me
For I can't go any longer
And a sunnier tomorrow I can't see

We fighting to stay together
Yet we are pulling so hard that we drifting apart
For in this game  tug-of-war
It seems we both have lost

Follow

I followed you this morning

I couldn't let you get away

I ventured with you in the sunshine

I also stood with you in the rain

I followed you this evening

As the moon made the night sky bright

Even though my brain told me this was wrong

I knew you would think this was right

I will follow you to the moon and back

I will follow you across the oceans and seas

For I know what makes me happy

And when you are happy I am pleased

Through each unfortunate tomorrow

I will follow you for all time

For I rather follow my heart in life

Than to question my heart "why?"

The Cover Up

Falling down

Rolling on a hill

And then finally touching 

The hands of a soul

So broken

So cold

And they won't cease

They keep falling down

Continuously

Creating a stain

Of Emotion it reeks 

Surrounded by no one

But pain and grief

Wondering what there is to do

When consumed with guilt

And afraid to face the truth

As these tears roll down my cheeks

They fall in my hand

And they just won't cease

As I Lay

For months I have been here
For months it was the same thing
Family would come to visit me
They would come for my birthday and sing

To be surrounded by these white walls
Which have no sense of soul
I will lay in my bed
As each day I grow old

The sun rises up each morning
And I wake up to watch
I feel the heat come through my window blinds
I'm surprised that it isn't hot
To see the it shine upon my skin
It makes me smile a lot
I shall appreciate this day
For today means a lot

The sun goes down
I watch this too
I then watch the moon and the stars
I gaze into the night sky
I wish I could be among the stars
Oh such marvelous beauty
I never use to appreciate
But its amazing how I appreciate
Every second of this day

As I'm about to take a nap
The nurse comes in the room
She says your family is coming tomorrow
And some are flying in too
I smile and then she leaves the room
But deep down I can see
That everyone is coming to see me tomorrow
Obviously something is happening to me

And as that fear strikes me
I find myself restless and not at ease
and I think of all the things I wish
I would have appreciated then
The smell of fresh cut grass
The autumn change of leaves
The smile on my family faces
The youthful version of me

The happiness...the tears...and the moments too
I took it all for granted
Back then I didn't see things through
For it was the little things in life
That I appreciated the least
But alas I must prepare myself
For my final sleep

Again

If I could hear your voice again
If I could hear you speak
My world would turn a bit brighter
And I could fall asleep

If time would stop moving forward
And allowed me to go back
I would hold you tightly in my arms
Then you never would have left

I'm waiting for something that will never come to
I'm waiting for a dream that won't come true
And it's crazy how every little thing reminds me of you...

If I could hear your voice again
That voice that's so unique
But now you are gone
So that will never be

The Housecat

I awaken in my fortress
Yet nothing bothers me
I help myself to my breakfast
And wait for the others to leave
With Mary off to work
And Jim off to go play
I can honestly say
I will have the best of days

First place is the sofa
And next are the shoes
I will feast my paws upon them
And this time I won't lose

I will peep out the windows
At the dogs who are outside
I feel as though I am royalty
I feel like I'm sitting high

Everything is placed out
Just like how I like it to be
Oh the life of a housecat
I'll enjoy this indeed

The Pouring Rain

You left me in the pouring rain
You left me in the thunder
And as the rain touches down on me
My heart can't take this no longer

Just when I think the rain is going to stop
Just when the thunder cease
I see lightning strike against me
And my heart skips a beat

You left me in the pouring rain
You left me in the thunder
And I have to get away
For my heart can't take this any longer

In Your Absence

In your absence
I was able to find
Something else
That catches my eye
It reminds me of me
But yet so unique
It shows me a place
Where I would like to be

In your absence
I was able to see
What you lacked
And what was your greatest feat
And underneath it all
I was shown the truth
The truth that showcased
The real you

In your absence
What did I find?
Something so unique
Something so divine
It has caught my attention
It is so unique
And I think that it
Will finally get me

The Host

Lurking in the back of my mind
Consuming all my thoughts
Setting up a place to live within
For I have become its host

Questioning my conscience
And always making me doubt
It feeds on my insecurities
It feeds on my inner thoughts

I take one move
And suddenly I am scared to take the next
Cowering in a corner
And wondering what to expect

For I have become its host
And it is not a delight
For fear has taken over
And fear might ruin my life

Grandma's House

Going back to grandma's house

To see the wonders within

For her place is a beautiful place

That has wonders deep within

I come across some photos

Of when I was but the age of 3

And also some little knick knacks

Which belonged to me

Her house have so many wonders

That remind me of my past

I see pictures of my mom

And also my mom's dad

What a place of so many memories

What a place to be

And it is beautifully surrounded

By two big oak trees

There is a big oven inside

That cooked those big Sunday meals

And also a large attic

That holds the Christmas Tree

Two big rockers sit on the deck

And also a swing underneath the tree

Oh I love to be at Grandma's house

That is the place to be

The Given Gift

Beautiful beginnings
And sometimes tragic ends
Life is a special gift
That everyone was given

So many don't appreciate
So many cannot see
That this gift means so much to others
Including you and me

The essence of the youthful spirit
The wise of the old
Different skills come with age
And with age you gather more

Unwavering faith
The compassion to help those in need
So many have high hopes
So many want to accomplish their dreams

Beautiful beginnings
And sometimes tragic ends
Life is a beautiful gift
Yet so many try to make other's gift end

If only everyone appreciated
And respected others gift
The world would be a better place
Because senseless killing would end

"Life is  a gift given to each and every one of us. We have no right to take others gift away"-Monica Renata

The Loveliest of Lovely

The loveliest of lovely

They say it so exist

But the loveliest of lovely

Is never on a list

Who is to say exactly what it is?

Everyone seems to have their own thoughts

Because the loveliest of lovely

Didn't start off lovely from the start

A piece of trash that glitters

Is never considered gold

However, to one they may always want it 

To cherish and to hold

The loveliest of lovely

Loved above all things

Have you had your dose of lovely

On this beautiful lovely day??

I Will Not Be Afraid

As the sun slowly goes down
And the moon begins to rise
There is a blanket of complete darkness
As soon as I close my eyes
And then all of a sudden
My world is filled with flames
And I am marching through it all
I will not be afraid

As the path seems to keep getting longer
I can feel my shirt drenched with sweat
I still have a long way to go
I must face what comes next
And through this fiery path
I am thinking "I have had enough"
But then a voice resonates and says
I will not and can not give up

Soon the walls around me
Turns into crushing waves
I stand upon my path
And watch the water extinguish the flames
And as soon as I start to smile
Water surrounds me
And the next thing that I know
Is I am drowning in a sea

Underneath the water I go
Then I come back for some air
I want to reach land
But land is no where there
And in my instance of sorrow
I feel desperate and ashamed
But then  I begin to swim forward
I will not be afraid

Paddling through this endless puddle
No one surrounding me
I have to be my own motivation
I have to push on for me
And I can hear the voices in my head
Screaming like a crowd
And they are yelling and screaming
"Keep going! You can't give up now"
And with every ounce of strength I continue into the unknown

And soon I see a glimmer of light,
two birds, 
and then a tree
And I know that the victory
Is all meant for me

As the moon begins to go down
And the sun begins to rise
There is an overwhelming light
As soon as I open my eyes
And then all of a sudden
My world consists of happiness and also pain
And I am marching through it all
I will not be afraid

Life is full of challenges, but you shouldn't be afraid to face them. Walk fearlessly into your future, and don't give up on your hopes and dreams!!! -Monica Renata

If You Ever Shall Forget Me

If you ever shall forget me
If I never ever cross your thoughts
Do remember that I thought about you
And I care about you so much

If you ever shall forget me
And I am not even a memory in your dreams
Just know that I always wonder "what if"
When I'm drifting into sleep

Just like the sunrise is recurring
So are my thoughts of you
And I don't know if you despise me
But I'm guessing that you do
However this constant thought
Has been dwelling in my head
But alas I must let go
Before I drive myself insane

If you ever shall forget me
I would fully understand why
For I don't want to be the source of your pain
And I never want to see you cry
But sometimes forgetting someone
Is sometimes the best thing
But know that I will always cherish the memories
That you and I have made

The Psychic

She asked to look at  my hand

And she could tell me then

Tell me all about my future

Tell me about the past back then

I could tell she was being serious

By the look within her eyes

On the cold streets of New Orleans

I sat amongst her side

She said, "Child you have felt pain lately?"

And I said, "No indeed"

She then asked "Did you lose someone?"

And I said "That is clearly news to me!"

See I won't believe the hype about this

Even though she sounds convincing too

Because no one really knows my past

And I feel like they can't know my future too

But as I am trying to leave

She pulls my hand and says "Child stay now!"

And I look at her with a crazed look

I can't believe what is going down

And then all the people on that New Orleans street

Quickly fade away

And the only person who remains

Is a man all dressed in grey

The old woman says, "Be easy my child

For that is the man!

The man who can ruin it all"

And then she lets go of my hand

And soon the world returns 

To everything I once knew

The people are there

The music is there

Even the psychic too

I quickly give her a 20

And then walk away

I can't believe I wasted my hard earned cash

On something not so great

And then as I am walking

I notice a taxicab driver stop

He says, "Good day my lady, where would you like to be dropped off tonight?"

And in that very moment

I feel chills all down my spine

For he is the man dressed in grey

Then I wonder if it is my time

I tell him "No Thank You"

And then I get quickly on my way

And I wonder if the psychic was right

Or was it all just fake

Hours pass throughout the day

Tick Tock goes the clock

And then I heard on the news

Passengers in a cab have been shot.......

Constructive Criticism

Who are you?

And why do you do the things that you do?

Ever been asked those questions before? It's like in that instance you are utterly speechless because you feel as though you have all of the answers but yet again.. you are uncertain. What are all the itty bitty pieces that when put together form you? At the end of the day, some of us think that we know exactly who we are. We feel as though we know ever little detail, but when someone points out something about us, we say that can't be true....because after all "You are the only person who knows yourself fully!!"... or so you think.....

It's amazing how much you can learn from someone else. I mean, looking at yourself you think you are the best you that you can be, but in another person's eyes..you aren't that great....I know this sounds harsh but it is true. Sometimes you need to take into consideration what others say about you. For example, your tone of voice which you think is acceptable may be deemed as cold and harsh by others. The way in which you present yourself to others may make you seem stuck up even though you are so down to earth. All criticism isn't bad.......

It took me a while to realize this, but now I fully  understand. I mean, I have flaws like everyone else. If someone says the way in which I speak comes off as mean, I will ask them why and then try to correct it. After all, when countless people are saying the same thing....then the accusations must be true!!!..lol

We need to learn how to take constructive criticism. It isn't a bad thing and can also help with self improvement. By definition, constructive criticism is as follows:

Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.

It isn't that bad..........So the next time someone says something to you about YOU, don't be quick to snap back. This can actually help you. After all, You never know how you are perceived by the world unless you let  the world tell you. 

Have a great day!!! :)

The News

Every morning I wake up
I quickly turn on the news
And every single morning
I hear of another life gone too soon

I close my eyes and pray
I say, "God please make this stop"
But upon the next morning
I hear another person has been shot

What kind of world do we live in?
Why are people so quick to take a life?
It seems like there is no reason to speak up
Because the killers always think they are right

Each day we are losing mothers and fathers and also children too
But sometimes people won't fully understand
Until it happens to you

Imagine just having a great conversation
With someone who wants to change their life
They say all of the things they are doing
In order to keep their children in their life
But then the next morning
You hear that they were blown away
And you want to cry
But you can't
So you get on your knees and pray
Why did this have to happen?
Another life gone too soon
I wish all the violence would stop
I wish it would stop soon

It hurts a lot
But what can you do even though you have fear in your heart
You only have a voice
And with that you don't know where to start

But that voice you have inside of you can be a powerful thing
If you decide to use it in a fight you can stop all sorts of things
Speak to others about violence
Tell them how it is wrong
Reach out to the kids in your community
So they don't grow up killing their own
Make people wake up
and make people see
It could be your mother or even your child
Who is next laying in the street

We all want a better world
But that better world starts with you
Just stand up for what you believe in
And don't be afraid to speak the truth
We are all afraid of violence
That is evident to see
But we can't do anything about it
If you are afraid to speak

The Homecoming

Far into the distance
Past the rolling hills
I see a very faint figure
And I wonder what it is

As the seconds turn to minutes
This figure approaches me
Is it you? Is it you?
My heart beats fast and I can't breath

As it walks a little closer
I am finally able to see his face
I try to remain calm
But then a grin comes upon my face

I can't hold in my emotion
I run the rest of the way
For it is my love
He has come back
And I can't find the words to say

I hug him oh so tightly
I don't ever want to let go
For today I am a happy women
I'm happy because he has come home

12/13/14

12/13/14
Was going to be my special day
The day that ice cold wind would blow through my hair
That beautiful Saturday

The day I planned for
Each and every day
Always wishing for it to come
And not a moment too late

12/13/14
The world would feast their eyes on me
A girl dressed like royalty
Walking down the aisle all alone
To greet her groom to be

A beautiful day in my memories
Oh how I thought this would be
But now as time draws near
I know this future isn't for me

So many times we groom young girls with crazy hopes and dreams.
We tell them that they should be a wife above all and everything
We tell them this is your ultimate success
It will make all of their wishes come true
We tell these girls that if you were good
This would happen to you

But what if that little girl was good
Her entire frickin' life
And things just didn't work out for her
Things were just never right
But she has everything else
That a woman should be proud to be
She works hard and has a loving heart
Only thing is, she is not  a wife to be

Is she suppose to bow her head
Bow her head in constant shame
Or is she suppose to keep her head high
And have hopes that things will change
We groom our young girls to think
That being single just isn't right
They have to hurry and jump the broom
And do everything right

But what about that young girl
Who constantly works hard
She has no time for dating
Cause she is trying to save money to buy a car

And what about the young girl
Who is constantly in her books
She wants to have a good job
So each night she will have something to cook

And what about the young girl
Who wants to be stable first
She is trying to make sure she is secure
So her future family will have a shot

We forget about these young girls
And we look at them in disgust
"Why aren't you married yet?"
"Your eggs will dry all up!"

But sometimes the loveliest flower
Takes a bit more time to bloom
These girls are just like fruit
And shouldn't be picked too soon
For they are waiting until they are at their peak
And when they feel like they can offer enough
They then qualify to be a "wife-to-be"

12/13/14
Was going to be my special day
But I took too much time improving myself
And now it is too late
And yes I'm disappointed
I'm probably more disappointed than you
But I can't give a man a premature crop
When he could have ripe fruit

Working

Building up with pressure
Trying hard not to bat my eyes
I stare into the distance
I can't reveal the hurt inside

Consuming myself with work
Each and every day
It helps me to relax at times
And takes all of my worries away

And then it hits once again
Just like a blood stained knife
The pain is too unbearable
But I hide it with all my might

I have to smile today
Just like I did yesterday
But I feel like I'm about to erupt
Can I last another day?

I'm building up with pressure
Trying not to cry
And in my head I continually ask myself
Why? Why? Why?

But yet I won't show any of this
I will continue to be me
Consume myself with countless work
And smile like I am happy

Peanut Butter

Peanut butter and jelly
Has always been my favorite treat
I grab my bread and knife
And I can't wait to eat

I open the can of peanut butter
And take out one big glob
But then I put three-fourths back
For I might want more next time

I take the other slice of bread
And place the jelly on in heaps
I look at the amount I placed
And I am happy and pleased

I slather my bread with jelly
So much that the bread starts to droop
And then I place the two breads together
Of my wonderful glooby gloop

I am marveled at my magic
Can't wait to taste these two fillings unite
But when I taste my sandwich
It just tastes like jelly delight

Not a trace of peanut butter
Can even be found
I guess I spread it too thin
And I find that quite profound

You see, they call me peanut butter
That is actually my nickname
They said I spread myself too thin
Among the ones I seem to entertain

No one ever gets that much of me
They only get an itty bitty piece
Cause just like my peanut butter and jelly sandwich
The peanut butter is so discreet

They call me peanut butter
Yep, that is my name
But I have to learn to stop spreading myself thin
And focus on just a few things

Imprisoned

Shackles on my ankles
Shackles on my neck
I am weighed down by my sorrows
It feels like I have no one left

No peak of sunlight
Not even a window to see
I am within my own solidarity
Locked up and they threw away the key

I know that I can rise up
And I know how
But there is something deep within me
That will not allow

The essence of a burning inferno
No one can calm this beast
It is called my Pride
And It cannot and will not be released

Oh the countless situations
That I could easily walk by
But I won't allow myself the privelage
To admit I was wrong at times

 The wavering relentlessness
The beast inside of me
I am blinded by my foolish pride
And this beast won't set me free

My Dream of Me and You

If eternities really lasted forever

And skies were always blue

I would sit under the biggest tree

And profess my love to you

If the night sky always stayed still

And the moon shined bright in the sky too

I would lay underneath the stars

And dream of me and you

So many times I ponder

On what you and I could be

I reminiscence about the time together

And wonder if you would ever leave

The uncertainty of it all kills me

But it doesn't kill my heart

Which keeps beating for you every single second

That you and I are apart

If things could be my way

I would have everything including you

But instead I will sit here and wait

Til my dream of you and I come true

Silence

Sitting in complete silence
Overwhelmed by thoughts
To have so many questions to ask
Yet feel completely lost

For who is there to speak to
When troubles comes my way
I sit in complete silence
And I wait and I wait

But in those little minutes
Which turned to hours then to days
I realize that this deafening silence
might be my only friend

And it is screaming at me

Leave this empty room filled with thoughts
Go out and make some new friends
Now is the time to start

For Silence isn't for you my child
It causes too much pain indeed
Silence is the beginning of the end
And it is now your turn to leave
 

Many times when we experience a loss, whether in death or friendship, we begin to seclude ourselves from the world around us. But that isn't always the healthiest thing to do.

 Sometimes it's better to just give up on someone than to wait and see if things will work out. Because at the end of the day, you  never really know how it will turn out and you might end up getting your feelings hurt worst than they already are. -Monica Renata

The Morning Hustle

Stumbling on forgotten sleep
Awaken from my slumber
My body moves in  decrepit ways
But my bed I can rest in no longer

The morning dew is beautiful out
Yet no birds are there to sing
For I had to rise before the sun
I do this every day

What is my motivation?
It's called a J.O.B.
For I would rather lose countless slumber
Than wake up each morning without a place to be

And yes I do value
The days that I have away
For when I am free from work
I can slumber all night and day

Work shouldn't consume your life. You should work to get the money that you want to live the life you want to live. That is its only purpose. Enjoy your life! -Monica Renata

The Climb

Climbing up this mountain

Gripping trying not to fall

I put aside all my fear

I will not be overwhelmed by it all

The sun radiates down

And the wind whips across my back

I feel my heart beat faster

And then my body starts to react

My grip gets much tighter

My feet lock in place too

I am like a little spider

Trying to climb out of a glass of juice

But yet I cannot give up

And I will not give up now

I reach up ahead of me

And I never look back down

I keep going til I am almost there

And then my fingers bleed

But this is just one trouble

I will have to suck up indeed

Hand, Foot

Hand, Hand, Foot

Seems to be the pattern of the climb

And then I feel a blade of grass

And I know the win is mines

Life is full of challenges

Some are mountains indeed

But just have faith in yourself

And always believe

Believe that you are capable

Believe that you can accomplish all

Because you will be surprised at the things you can accomplish

Even though they are so tall

They always said I couldn't do it

They said it was too much for me

But I have climbed a mountain every day

And the mountain is the one who faced defeat

Life is full of challenges. Some are big and some are small. Sometimes we complain about hills in life, and fear the mountains because they are so tall. But every goal can be accomplished, and it all starts within you. For you can complete any climb, if to yourself you are always true!!  -Monica Renata

The Last Kiss

A kiss
Something that can mean so little
Yet also mean the most
I sit down and I wonder
I ponder what it would be like
For they are the object of my desire
Yet, I am afraid
I am afraid to make a move because I am doubtful
But I wonder
Could this be it.....
Could this be the first kiss that turns into the last kiss of my life
Could this person be the one to open my eyes to a new world I have yet to encounter
Hmmmm....

I never encountered a love like this

You are the my first and my last kiss

Emotion so raw and yet so true

All of my emotions that I have for you

Two souls connecting 

Dancing lightly in air

I can feel it in my heart

Because in my heart you are there

So unbelievable 

I never thought it to be true

Two souls intertwined 

As lovers do

Flesh touches flesh

And bodies unite

You grab me softly

I don't want to leave from your sight

Kiss me so passionately 

Like true loves do

My first

My last

Will always be you

My Favorite Flowers

Just like my favorite flowers

So beautiful and bright

Enhances the mood of the room

Radiates in the light

Each petal is uniquely beautiful

The fragrance smells so divine

You remind me of my favorite flowers

Only difference is that you get better with time

The Collection

A collection of so many pieces
These pieces which create a whole
Never truly ever seen together
Yet each piece continues to grow old

A collection of beautiful pieces
Yet few only the eye can see
The owner holds on to each piece tightly
Rarely giving others one piece

A beautiful collection
I decided to give to you
Giving you the ability to piece together
All of my inner truths
Oh how much I have given
I have given so much of me
You had every piece that made me whole
You had every piece of me

A collection of so many pieces
These pieces which create a whole
I prayed and prayed and prayed to God
To find someone who could hold..
Hold on to every piece of me
Be there when I needed a friend
Accept me for who I am
Help soothe my doubts within
I thought I found that person..
That one who's hands were large enough to hold
But instead now my pieces
Are smaller pieces than before

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty
That's what they say to me
Yet they take no time
To see what's underneath

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty
That's what they seem to see
But what if all of this makeup
Quickly went away

Pretty, oh so pretty
What it is like being a girl
Being valued by her physical appearance
While her insides are ignored by the world

I could say I miss you

I could say that I miss you
But that wouldn't mean a thing
For I don't think you even care
I don't think you care about me

I could say that I miss you
But that wouldn't make sence at all
Because if I really missed you
Maybe I would pick up the phone and call

I could say that I miss you
But my actions prove otherwise
I pretend like it doesn't bother me
But I'm really hurting inside

I could say I miss you
In fact, I really do
But what is the point of missing someone
Who doesn't miss you

Money, Money, Money

Money, Money, Money

It can buy you many things

It can buy you flashy cars

It can buy you diamond rings

It can put food on the table

And also gas in your ride

Money, Money, Money

We need that in our lives

Whether it is paper or shiny copper coins

We want more and we need more now!

For money we can't avoid

It is essential to our existence

Or so we think somehow

Money, Money, Money

We need it for everything

We want it all

We need it all

We have to have it today

Those clothes you wear today

That burger and those fries

The toothpaste used to brush your teeth

Each had a dollar value

Each cost cash to see

The house you live in

Your medical care

The coffin when you die

Money, Money, Money

It seems like it buys everything you need in your life

But then when you get at home 

You finally sit around and think...

And that's when it finally hits you

You really haven't bought a thing

Oh what joy it is to be surrounded

By so many materialistic things

I thought money bought me happiness

But money didn't buy me a thing

The best things in life have no value. Appreciate each moment and love with all your heart! -Monica Renata

Grandpa Said

Grandpa told me  many things

I still remember what he said

He said treat others with kindness

And don't let success go to your head

He said appreciate the little things

Because those are the things that matter the most

Don't ever forget where you came from

Because it will help you get to where you plan to go

Oh I still remember

All the things that grandpa said

So I live life according to this

And I must admit life is going swell

Who knew that those few words

Could fit exactly into life

Grandpa told me many things

And grandpa was very right

The Life

Head on my pillow

Cool breeze through the night

I feel your arms around me

And I know that this is the life

The life that I wanted.......

The life that I dreamed....

You make me happy....

You make me sing.....

Fingers going through my hair

I can feel you as you breathe

You hold on to me so tightly

I don't ever want to see you leave

Don't wake up

Stay in this moment forever

I want you here

I have to have you forever

Kiss me so softly 

All through the night

I don't even open my eyes

As your fingers intertwine with mines

I feel your arms around me

And I know that this is the life

HATE.......An Unneccessary Burden

I have learned many things in life. I have learned countless things which were mistakenly learned.... I have learned so much..........And I appreciate this!

Of all of these lessons, one has stood out the most to me.
This lesson has made me have the strength to get over countless situations.
This lesson has actually brought happiness in my life....
And that lesson is *drum roll please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Hating someone gets you NO WHERE!!!

I mean think about it.........where does it get you? Does it make your future brighter? Does it bring a smile to your face every single day to hate someone? The answer is no. It does nothing for you. When  you hate someone you just bring unneeded stress into your life. I mean, honestly, do you think the person that you "hate" is taking the time and the energy out of their day to speak harsh words or consume their thoughts about you? 

When you hate someone, you create a burden which you carry on until you actually forgive that person for his or her ways or actions. There is no point in holding on to a grudge, because quite frankly... It isn't worth it. Find it in your heart to forgive someone for their mistakes, or better yet, if you have wronged them in any way as well APOLOGIZE! So many of us are quick to point out others wrongs, but we neglect to recognize our own. 

I use to despise others. I was treated badly and I uttered those dreadful words, "I hate him" or "I hate her" and although it may have felt nice saying them....guess what???!!! ............ They didn't change a damn thing..lol. Besides, I realize that at times I may treat others badly as well, even if it is not purposely.....

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

People are people........

Everyone isn't a saint every day

We all have done some wrong in our life

And there is no reason to hate someone for it

Just move on

Don't burden  yourself with hate

Instead of speaking harsh words about your enemy, speak kind words about your friend. Instead of posting status on social networks about things in which you H-A-T-E, talk  about the things you love. Replace all of this negativity with something else. You will be surprised at how much happiness you let into your life, and into the lives of others as well!!!

A New Truth {Just Something on my Mind}

This is a piece I found that I wrote in 2008. I read it this morning and surprising I kind of feel the same way today. If all the negative energy was used for something positive, then so much could be accomplished. -Monica Renata


Quite frankly, I have been surrounded by so many negative people that I am shame to admit that I know. It appears that everyone has a problem with EVERYONE ELSE, and they can't seem to get along. And then I am put into the middle of the situation, and forced to choose a side. Everyone always gives me the excuse about, "Well who did you know for the longest?"........Well I thought about this like for so so long. And I couldn't even find the correct answer to this question. What am I to say? I knew you for two years but then I know the other for about one year. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE, I have no clue......But yeah, I finally found the answer to that question, and the answer is OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THIS WHOLE WORLD, I knew ME for the longest.

I am sick and tired of people who want to always constantly go at it with other people. It's like WHAT IS THE DEAL???!!!! If they took all of this time and energy they use to be mean and disrespectful to others and do something productive, just imagine the possibilities. I am also tired of people just downgrading each other for doing the right thing. I don't mean to call anyone out, but SO WHAT IF I GO TO CLASS EVERYDAY!!!! I am paying for it, kinda. Besides, I do not want to be a NOBODY for the rest of my life. I am on a mission and I expect to reach my ultimate goal by 2015 {I know that is a long time, but I know what I am doing}.

I just don't understand.........Why does everyone have to be against each other? Why does some call others LAME just because they are doing the right thing? Why is it disregarded as nothing when someone finally achieves something that took so many long hours and dedication to obtain? Why do so many people create problems in their lives then a year or two down the road want to regret it?

All I am saying, is that some people need to think. For a long time, I thought the problem was me. However, I realized that EVERYTHING cannot be my fault. I try to make the world a better place. I lend a helping hand to all who ask for it. I try to be a friend to almost anyone who is willing......I just don't know..........Maybe I am too nice, but I do not think that anyone can ever be TOO NICE.....But we need to just get our act together. Stop being against each other. And try to work together for a better future.......I know that this whole thing probably was kinda cheesy......and some may be like "Oh, Monica needs to just shut up"......But truth is truth....Some of us just really need to get our act together.

Learn To Listen = Listen to Learn

When was the last time you used your ears?
When was the last time you used them to hear what was going on around you?
Do you remember?
Can you exactly tell me the last conversation you had that mattered?
Probably not...........and the reason why is because your ears were open...but you weren't listening.

Throughout the day it appears as though the only voice you truly listen to is your own. You can hear  your mouth moving a mile a minute. You cut others off so you can finish your elaborate sentences. You correct others as soon as they voice their opinion because it goes against what you were just speaking of. You go on and on and on and on...but you don't listen to anyone... anyone but yourself.

Everyone's words have value. We just have to listen. Sure someone might not have the same viewpoint as you but you should respect their viewpoint and at least hear them out. For you never know.... maybe someone needed to get out how they really felt. Maybe if they expressed how they truly felt it would change so many things...but you won't listen... and they know this... they know you don't care... so they quietly keep everything to themselves.... They want you to listen. They tried to get you to listen....but you won't.

I sit under the moon and the stars

I have so much to say but I know that it doesn't matter

Why speak when I will not be heard?

The battles I am going through I must go through alone

Cause no one else is there

No one else will listen...

I feel as if I am on a cloud which has no true direction

I listen to so many others express themselves

But when I finally say something

I am reprimanded and told "It's not all about you"...

But what is about me? 

I am everyone's shoulder to cry on

But who is going to be mines?

Where is my shoulder?

Why must I be so strong?

Strong for you... strong for them... strong for myself...

I hold so much in to satisfy the world

I smile so that I don't let others down

I give my last just so others will not have to do without.....

But who has my back?

Who can I turn to when I need guidance? 

Who can listen to my true feelings and not judge me based upon them?

Who??

People let you down........ People sometimes won't listen to a word you say..... but what can you do about it? Sometimes you have to just get down on your knees and pray about something over and over again..People let you down, but God doesn't. People sometimes won't listen to a word you say, but God does. He knows what you are going through and he can understand it far better than any other human has. Oh the battle that some people go through in order to just be heard........

Is it really that hard to listen?

When was the last time you used your ears to hear me?
When was the last time you used them to hear what was going on around you?
Do you remember?
Can you exactly tell me the last conversation you and I had that mattered?
What was the last thing I said?
Was it important to you or did you brush it off?
Did you even really try to listen?..........
Probably not...........and the reason why is because your ears were open...but you weren't listening because although they were open they were actually shut.

when you listen you learn.
You learn about me
You learn about them
And you can learn about you as well...
But first you need to learn to listen
In order to listen successful

Sometimes we cannot grasp the true beauty of one's soul because we fail to listen. In failing to listen, we fail to learn the true essence of the person within. Learn to listen so that you may listen to learn. -Monica Renata

Let Your Guard Down

Why do you always have your guard up?
It's like you built a wall and you won't let anyone in!
Why can't you be normal?

How many times have you heard those words before? How many times have others made you feel inadequate because you were afraid to reveal your true feelings about a certain topic? It's crazy because I'm pretty sure we have all heard this before. We may here it once a month or even twice a day, but we hear it. So why do you have your guard up? Is it because you are use to getting hurt and you want to shield your heart from all of the pain and heartache? Is it because you know that disappointments can be unbearable at times so you try to protect yourself? Or is it because you are selfish and you feel like no one deserves to get in?

Many times when we behave in such a manner, we are trying to protect ourselves. We are trying to protect our feelings... Protect our heart...but in the end we end up hurting ourselves because we end of being deprived of some of the basic emotions which make us happy....like the emotions we feel when we get close to someone...It's like everyone was write.... It's like you built a wall and you won't let anyone in. People show you love and you can't respond. Hate is shown to you and yet you are not affected... It's like you are numb to all that is around you. But you are okay... and that's what matters, right?

You lose so much whenever you have your guard up, and it is up to you to determine if it is worth it. Will you always be so afraid of getting hurt that you protect your heart as if it was the King's castle but lose every possible ounce of happiness that someone else could introduce? Or do you let your guard down....take down that wall piece by piece.... and hand someone a few bricks which they can decide to throw at you or help build a path for the two of you to walk on...

People build walls because at the end of the day, they know that although there is good in the world, evil still does exist. They also know that if you give up your protection, you are giving another person the opportunity to be the new protector or the one who breaks you apart. As I said before, when you take down your wall, you hand another person the bricks and they decide what they will do with them. They could decide to build a path with those bricks... a path that can open both of your paths in life... Or they can take those bricks... grasp them tightly in the palms of their hands and throw with all of their might until you are finally to the ground.... That reality scares many... that's what makes that wall stay intact for years upon years.... that's what makes someone believe that protecting themselves is more important than "true happiness"....because although true happiness has the greatest feeling in the world, nothing can compare to complete and total despair caused by heartache.

So the next time you run into someone, just give it some thought before you ask those few questions.
Why do you always have your guard up?
It's like you built a wall and you won't let anyone in!
Why can't you be normal?

Maybe there guard is up because so  many have let them down.
Maybe they built a wall so they could no longer be hurt from the pains of everyday life..
Maybe this is their normal.........
You never really know....

Guards do come down with time. But if you don't want to wait, then most likely you weren't worth the destruction of the other persons wall.

Can't Bring Me Down

I can't give up

I can't let disappointments get the best of me

Sometimes I may fall.... 

But I have to get back up

I must get back up!!!

I can't let the world break me. 

I can't let them break me down

They can't

And they won't!!

I will rise up

stronger than before

stronger than I have ever been

Today opens up a new chapter

I am changing the end of my own book of life

Sometimes it is great to go astray

And that is what I shall do 

No more holding my head down

No more feeling ashamed

No more being untrue to myself

I have to make it 

I want to make it

And I will not let anyone bring me down this time

Keep

Keep in mind those feelings
Keep in mind the words you say
Keep in mind your actions
For these affect others each day

Keep in mind your tone of voice
Keep in mind the way you slant your eyes
For they can make others feel as though they shouldn't speak to you at times

Keep in mind the ones you care about
Keep in mind how you don't want them to go away
Fix your problems within your world
Don't let your problems drive others away

Keep in mind those feelings
Keep in mind the words you say..
Because sometimes when you act recklessly
You make others walk away

Don't let the stresses of the world push away people who actually care about you. Learn how to not exert the anger from other faucets of your life upon those who love you....for if you don't...they might walk away. Don't throw away something you always thought you would keep. -Monica Renata

Genuine Kindness

Kindness....
Genuine Kindness...
What ever happened to this?
When was the last time you were kind to someone?
Not because you had to be kind...but because you wanted to be kind?

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with our own lives that we think that we cannot spare an ounce of kindness. After all, it seems as though no one is taking time out of their day to show you "genuine kindness", so why should you bother showing someone else that?  We walk around each day and only think about me, Me, ME...but what about everyone else?

You are having a good day..someone else is having a good day too
You are having a bad day....someone else is having a bad day too
You are upset....someone else is upset too
But you will never know...
People are hard to read at times, but kindness has a way of making people smile

Genuine kindness...
That random kindness
That simple compliment
That helping hand...
People appreciate things like that..

It is true that some people do not appreciate kindness. They abuse those who are kind to them
But just because people like that exist, it doesn't mean that you should be afraid to be kind. You never know how your kindness can affect someone. Your encouraging words may give a young student the strength to finish school even though they were contemplating dropping out. Your assistance may make someone believe that it is possible to accomplish things they thought could never be reality. Your presence and support can make someone believe they are not alone.... Genuine kindness can do so much!!!

I guess what I am trying to say is........ Be kind to others. Others may not be kind to you, but be kind for yourself. It is such a blessing to reawaken a dead soul, and sometimes genuine kindness can do that for some people. Trust me... for kindness has done the same for me. :)

Life is Beautiful

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

But what is there to hold

For life changes everyday

It will continue to change until we grow old

But what is the point of loving something

Exactly as it is now

For when time moves forward each second

Things seem to change somehow

Winter Comes

The sunny days have past

And now comes the icy wind

Freezing all it comes in contact with

on the outside and deep within

Oh how long will this last?

How long will it take the ice to thaw?

For sometimes winters last forever

Despite the presence of the sun