I am TOO nice

I am too nice

I'm too nice.... That's my problem... I'm really too nice. And when people act ugly towards me I don't have it in me to treat them the same way...

I grew up being taught the Golden Rule. You know, “Treat people the way you would like to be treated”…… I treat others with kindness because at the end of the day that is the same kindness that I would like to be returned to me.

 Genuine kindness……

The type of kindness where if someone was crying you would give up your precious valuable time to be their shoulder to cry on.

The type of kindness where you offer your last just so someone could have something.

The type of kindness where you would give up a few minutes of your happiness just to see someone else smile...

So genuine…..So true……..Yet it so often seems that the world does not appreciate people like that.

Kindness has become a thing of the past. Everyone must equip themselves with an iron heart because emotions are trampled on daily, kindness is deemed to be a weakness, and quite frankly having evil ways (whether it be using or disrespecting someone) has become the norm.

To be such a kind person in an unkind world………Must be hard at times…….

I have said to myself so many times “I am too nice”………

I have told myself that “I will start treating others as coldly as they treat me”……

I say “I won’t let this hurt my feelings anymore. I will stop being nice”……

But at the end of the day……I remain the same.

I remain the person who checks on others to make sure they are doing okay.

I remain the person who goes out of my way to bring medicine or food to a friend if they are sick.

I remain the person who smiles despite knowing that this kindness will never be returned…..

A friend once told me the following, “A consequence of being nice and doing stuff for people is that you can never expect that in return or else you will be disappointed.”

For so long, I thought this was a foolish statement. I honestly thought that others too knew of the Golden Rule, which they did; however many only use it when it benefits them. So selfish…….but what can you do? That’s life……….

I guess it all comes down to “To Be” or “Not to Be”……….

Do you want to be a nice person or not?

Do you want to live selflessly or selfishly?

Do you want the possibility of having your feelings hurt if you are taken advantage of or do you have it in you to be okay with the outcome either way it goes?

I’m too nice……That may be so true. My feelings may be hurt so many times, but no matter what, I will still smile. I will still be that person who tries to brighten others day. I will still be that person who checks up on others to make sure all is well. I will still be that person who helps others even though I may need help at times. And no, this does not mean I am a weak person.

Kind

Adjective.

Having or showing a gentle nature and a desire to help others: wanting and liking to do good things and to bring happiness to others

What is so weak about that person? What is so wrong about trying to spread happiness? What is wrong with being kind?......

I believe that nothing is wrong with it. There is no such thing as being “Too Nice”! You are yourself. You are a great person, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It isn’t your fault that others take advantage of your gentle nature. In all honestly, when someone takes advantage of a nice person they are actually ruining so much for themselves.

When a kind person’s heart begins to become icy cold, it doesn’t really have that much emotion left. All the bruises from being trampled on so many times may heal, but the heart no longer beats with kindness; it beats with rage and resentment. When a kind person dies inside, it isn’t a good thing for anyone really. With so much negativity in the world……..why deprive the world of someone who’s joy is to bring happiness to others?......

I guess what I’m trying to say is this……..

If you are a nice person, please continue to be nice. Don’t let the world change you.

And if you know nice people, please do not use them. Appreciate them, for it is very rare that we come across selfless people. Too many times we purely focus on ourselves and neglect those who go out of their way for us. Too many times we forget about people until the moment when we need them. Too many times we act ugly with each other because we feel as though our kindness will be taken as weakness and we will be used……..

I'm too nice.... That's my problem... I'm really too nice. And when people act ugly towards me I don't have it in me to treat them the same way...

But at the end of the day, I rather be a nice person than to be someone I am not………I guess it all comes down to “To Be” or “Not to Be”……….

Have a great day,

Monica Renata 
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Appreciate The Night Sky

Appreciate The Night Sky

By: Monica Renata

Each night is one in the same

The same ole night sky

That glistens with every star above

As the moon just shifts on by

To view this as a miracle

To view this as unique

Would be to say air is so rare

Therefore at night we sleep

To never look in amazement

To miss the shooting stars

To miss the radiance of the moon’s splendor

To not gaze til morning comes

Beautiful indeed

Light that brightens your darkest nights

It deserves a gaze

Yet so many look away and don’t admire the sight

Always there

Yet Forgotten

Forgotten

Yet always tries to shine

Don’t ever forget about your night sky

For soon those stars may die

For once the twinkles are all gone

And once the moon no longer shines bright

The night sky will search for another

Who shall appreciate their light

“Don’t ever take anyone or anything for granted………. For you might lose the one thing that was keeping your world from being consumed by darkness.” – Monica Renata 

Monica Renata 
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I Thought.....

I thought…………

For the past few nights I have been in heavy thought.

Wondering…..

Contemplating…..

Hoping….

Words floated endlessly through my mind just like feathers on the wind on a cool autumn breeze. Frighteningly beautiful thoughts.

To have all, then to lose it all…..

To want more, yet be unable to obtain it…

Consumed by the thought of not knowing…...never truly knowing……….

I thought

Tears of sadness flowed from those big eyes that so many said were beautiful. The smile that was always there was no more. Like the rivers that flow through so many places ….

A never ending flow……..

            Drifting around the curves of earthly flesh….

                        Ongoing………….

In the darkness, solitude is truly realized. Surrounded by nothing but four blank walls…..the insignificance of your existence is recognized…and then you begin to sink again……..Tears start to wet the ground around you………..Your feet begin to descend……….Life is becoming cloaked by quicksand which you cannot escape.

Tears of sadness turn to rage………

            Tears of rage become hate……..

                        And hate consumes the soul……….

Yet I still thought….

To have all, then to lose it all…..

To want more, yet be unable to obtain it…

Consumed by the thought of not knowing….never truly knowing……….

Sometimes, our biggest downfall is our own mind…… We think too much. We dwell too much on the negative happenings of our lives and we let them consume us. A thought turns into a dream which then evolves into an ongoing nightmare that we live daily. Each day it is the same, we cower in that corner of misery and live the same event over and over and over again til the peak of our sadness has been reached and we feel as though it cannot be pacified by anyone.

People have a tendency of never seeing the good in situations. We extrapolate that every happening in our life is an outright attack on our personal integrity. We don’t take away any lessons for the situations; instead we just believe that “someone” is against us.

I thought………

I thought so much about the same thing over and over again. I thought about what happened. I thought about how I felt. I thought about how much sadness and hatred was now an emotional burden for me…. I thought about so much, but I never once thought about how I played a role.

I never thought about how my actions could have been the cause.

I never thought about how maybe I need to look within myself and change things.

I never thought that maybe the only person who was against me was myself……….

For the past few nights I have been in heavy thought.

Wondering…..

Contemplating…..

Hoping….

Words floated endlessly through my mind just like feathers on the wind on a cool autumn breeze. Frighteningly beautiful thoughts.

But today……….. I won’t let those thoughts consume me….I can no longer blame one person for a situation that the outcome is dependent on multiple people and situations. I look within myself for clarification. I look within myself for peace. For no one is against me, I am my own worst enemy. And I realize that if I want change, it will start with me. Things happen in life…… Some good things… Some bad things…. Some days you will be happy… Other days you may be really really sad. But each day is a blessing and a day to learn. Look within yourself for clarity. Do not try to discard your own faults as nonexistent. We are not perfect, nor are we expected to be. Life may throw us many punches, but sometimes we must look at situations to realize if we are the reason that life decided to swing.

Have a great day,

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
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The Sun After the Storm

The Sun after the Storm

By: Monica Renata

In a world of endless silence

Stranded far away from home

No friend to talk to

Not a thing to call your own

Darkness infinitely surrounds you

You are in the middle of the sea

The storms are raging fiercely

Here is not where you want to be

Cold as the artic snowcaps

Face as pale as can be

Your hope is somewhat shattered

You crumble to your feet

Why have I been forsaken?

Why have I not have anything to call my own?

Why am I consumed with sadness?

Why don’t I have a place to call home?

To pity you is what you want

You want others to see

But sometimes you have the let your inner light shine

In order for you to truly open your eyes to see

In a world of endless silence

Stranded far away from home

No friend to talk to

Not a thing to call your own

Darkness infinitely surrounds you

You are in the middle of the sea

The storms are raging fiercely

Here is not where you want to be

But maybe you are supposed to be here

For maybe you will learn

Learn to believe in yourself more

Learn to be the sun after each storm

Sure at times you may have no one

Sure you may not have any place to be

But remember that pain is only temporary

And here in pain you will not always be

Standing Up Is the Hard Part

Standing up is the hard part

So much weight on your two feet

Moving forward into the world

Yet not knowing where that path leads

Standing up is the hard part

So many things you have to do

There are many goals to accomplish

And so many tasks to pursue

Standing up is the hard part

So keep standing and never get down

It might be painfully hard some days

But it’s better than being on the ground

TOo many times we fall face first

And are afraid to get back up

Too many times we let life knock us down

And we say we cannot and will not get up

Too many times we let opinions of others

Hold us down more and more

Too many times we didn’t rise up

Because it was just easy staying down on the floor

Standing up is the hard part

But it is better than defeat

Don’t let life get you down

Be all that you can be

And the times that you feel weary

And believe that you have no more strength

Remember that although your other option may be easy

The consequence is that in life you will never transcend

“If you are always afraid to get up after a fall, then you will never be able to progress in life. Standing up may be the hard part, but it also yields the most rewards. Continue to move forward in life and never let situations keep you down” –Monica Renata

Holding On

Holding On

By: Monica Renata

Holding on to hope

But is this hope true

Am I floating in dreams?

Am I hiding from the truth?

Actions do speak

But words confirm

Tell me your feelings

Let them be known

Holding on

But should I let go

My brain says yes

But my heart constantly tells me no

Actions do speak

But words confirm

But I can’t reveal

How much I feel alone

Holding on

Is what I constantly do

Hiding my feelings

While also hiding from the truth

Actions do speak

But words confirm

Before all I love myself first

So this can’t go on

“Sometimes you just have to know when to walk away. Never jeopardize your feelings for the sake of “getting” someone back in your life. If they left, it was a conscious decision they made. Just pick up your pride and move on.. “– Monica Renata 

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
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Bubble

Bubble

By: Monica Renata

Forever like a bubble

Floating softly in the wind

Admired by the children

As soon as its journey begins

To reach your peak in life

Then finally just pop

It’s great to be at the top sometimes

But sooner or later that time comes to a stop

“Always humble yourself… you never know when your time of greatness will come to an end.” –Monica Renata

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

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My Blog: 
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Full Circle

Full Circle

By: Monica Renata

Bricks thrown

House was built

Heart shattered

But it beats still

Taken advantage of

A lesson learned

Harsh words said

But never returned

Negativity launched

Catcher’s mitt full 

Passes by

But presence still known

Please be Careful of what is thrown

It comes full circle

This we know

Negativity thrown

Then made into something great

Replaced with positivity

Now whose heart aches?

Sitting in a house

While you sit alone

Lost everything

While you were being so cold

Bricks thrown

House was built

Bricks from your house that your hands built

Heart shattered

But it beats still

No longer for you, it only beats for me as it forever will

Taken advantage of

A lesson learned

Can’t even be mad because for my foolishness this I earned

Harsh words said

But never returned

Silence is better because I owe you no words

Please be Careful of what is thrown

It comes full circle

This we know

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

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Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
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Feather

Feather

By: Monica Renata

To only be a feather

Float lightly on the wind

Close eyes in wonder

And begin to pretend

Lightweight and beautiful

Floating round and round

Going on forever

Yet never touching the cold, hard ground

Admired by many

Yet captured by none

Started standing by many

Now floating as one

Going to new places

So light and so free

To only be a feather

And live not confined by what others want for me

“Live life freely. Don’t let others view of what your life should be confine you to their small world. Expand your horizons and live.” –Monica Renata 

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
Blog: http://monicarenata.blogspot.com

Cadaver's Dream

The night is young
The day is old

Wishing for a sign
Chills in my soul

Partially awake
Yet mentally sleep

Sweat drips down
Ice cold feet

Can't hear any sounds
Yet within screams

Looking in the mirror
Reflection can't be seen

Breathing hard
But gasping for air

Reaching for it
But it is not there

Beating heart
So shattered and weak

Pumping a fluid
That rejuvenates me

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust

So close to death
I can feel her touch

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
Blog: http://monicarenata.blogspot.com

I Dreamed A Dream

I Dreamed A Dream

By: Monica Renata

I dreamed that life was splendid

I dreamed that life was neat

I dreamed that all my dreams would come true

And riches would be thrown at my feet

I dreamed of homes with marble

I dreamed of blue skies and crystal clean air

I dreamed of my prince charming

Waiting in the carriage made of glass

I dreamed that life was a fairy tale

I dreamed that all my wishes would come true

I dreamed of a world of splendor

Yet in my naïve mind I didn’t have a clue

Life is not a fairy tale

Some wishes don’t come true

You can’t always just be given what you want

You have to work hard too

So long are the dreams of glory

That I have so long dreamed

For life isn’t a fairy tale

And I have to put in work in order to receive

Receive my world of riches

Receive that house I yearn

I can’t just wait for it to be given

For that doesn’t happen like that anymore

To wish upon a star

Wait for a genie to grant my wish

I wasn’t born a princess

But I know happily ever after does exists

Was I at once foolish?

Was I once blind but now can see?

I dreamed life was a fairy tale

Yet reality is what my eyes meet

"Life isn't a fairy tale....but sometimes you can get your happily ever after. You just have to work hard to get it instead of waiting for it to happen" - Monica Renata 

Promises: Are they really made to be broken?

Promises…..How many of us have heard the statement that “Promises are made to be broken.”

I promise I won’t lie to you

I promise I won’t tell your secrets

I promise I would never hurt you

I promise

So many promises given, yet how many are actually fulfilled? I once believed that all promises would be kept. In my naïve mind, I actually believed that others knew the true value of keeping a promise. I thought that if I could do it, so could they. I let others promise me things and when they messed up I said to myself, “Oh this promise will become fulfilled in time”………and you know what…. They never did.

I was lied to

My secrets were told

I was hurt…

Promises broken and yet they cannot be repaired. Hurt felt deep down in your soul and a silent cry is released but only you can stand amidst your own agony. I trusted too many. I believed that too many would come through. They let me down. And by them letting me down, I felt like I let myself down for believing them.

Promises mean nothing…. Or so I thought…….

One day I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let others get me down. I promised myself that despite the hurt that others have placed on me, I will not let that emit to my friends and family. I promised that no matter how hard my life is I will never try to make anyone feel worthless. I keep my promises. I hold on to my words. If I say that I am going to do something, I will do it. It may be in two hours, a day, or even a year but when I make a promise I will fulfill it in the end.

The true value of a promise cannot be seen unless you keep promises with yourself. If you cannot even keep a promise that you make with yourself that entails that they are entirely worthless to you. Promises involve trust…And if you can’t trust yourself. Who else do you actually have?  

A promise is a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future.

I promise myself many things.

I promise to be better each day.

I promise to live a positive life.

I promise to try to make my mark on this world.

Promises…They are very special and involve a lot of trust. From what actually goes on around us, we may indeed think that promises are made to be broken. In life, we encounter a disappointments that results from promises that were not kept. We get hurt, and then we become bitter. We lose trust in mankind. We think that all people are bad…and the value of a promise becomes utterly worthless…. But in reality, a promise being broken shows that the other person lacks the ability to truly trust themselves. To make a promise, and then turn against it…..when one does this they are turning on themselves as well. Don’t get angry.

Hope that the person find themselves.

Hope that they truly begin to trust themselves.

Be happy that you aren’t them……

Just know the true value of promises, and don’t let others ignorance get you do. Promises aren’t made to be broken. For if you break a promise, you break the trust you have with yourself.

-Monica Renata