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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Dreadful Holiday

Dreadful Holiday
By: Monica Renata

It comes around each and every year
It is really hard to ignore
The TV reminds you daily
And so do your neighborhood stores

All the guys get ready
All the girls wait to be attended on by their king
A day I sit alone once again
Oh that dreadful dreadful holiday

I never received flowers
Or even a lover’s kiss
Not even a box of chocolates
Or someone say that it is I they miss

I never woke up happy
And just so excited on that day
In fact I wish that I never existed
Oh that dreadful dreadful holiday

Aisles are filled with red and pink
Some place rose petals on the floor
And I sit in my apartment
Painfully alone

Never really experienced it
But always wondered what if
What it would be like to have someone
Who spoiled me and brought me gifts

To feel the genuine affection of another
To know that your presence would be missed
Unfulfilled wishes
But each year I hope for more

Maybe someday it will come together
Maybe someday it will mean something to me
Maybe next year I won’t be alone again
On that dreadful dreadful holiday





Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: 
https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484


Overlooked Birth

Overlooked Birth
By: Monica Renata

In the world I was welcomed
By other human beings
Surrounded by so many people
Surrounded by those I’ve never seen

Taking my first breath
My lungs take everything in
And finally I am introduced to a world
That contains nothing but sin

To be birthed from such happiness
To miraculously and successfully exit the womb
Surrounded by so many people
Who despite my actions their lives shall resume

My life is just beginning
Yet their life is coming to an end
Each day everyone will live their life
Despite the homecoming of the next

Each birth is overlooked by someone
Each birth is not always felt
But the lives who will feel the presence of the newborn
Are the one in which that birth affects


Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: 
https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Life, Purpose & Love

Life, Purpose, & Love

To be alive is a wonderful thing… It is a blessing to open your eyes each morning and view the beautiful world around you. So many things to do…… So many new people to meet…… Life is somewhat like a reoccurring dream that starts at the same time each night, yet ends different each time you are about to open your eyes……… Life is beautiful………But are you enjoying yours?

For quite some time I have always heard that Life is nothing without purpose. I always wondered what that meant, and in all honesty, I believe that still till this day I am somewhat confused on the meaning.

pur·pose
 noun \ˈpər-pəs\
: the reason why something is done or used : the aim or intention of something
: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something
: the aim or goal of a person : what a person is trying to do, become, etc.

Each night I go to bed.
Each morning I rise up again.
But what for?
What is the reason for my existence? What am I supposed to do?
What is your purpose in life?

I firmly believe that everyone was created for a reason… And yes, it may be true that some of us may never truly know that reason, but some of us will find out.

Maybe your purpose in life is to rejuvenate our youth and help them to excel beyond those in the past.
Maybe your purpose is to find the cure for diseases that have ravaged so many individuals’ lives.
Maybe your purpose is to be the inspiration that your little sister or brother needs…….
                                Or maybe…just maybe…. You are like me….                                             And you just don’t know yet………

At the end of the day, you must find your purpose in life, and once you do that I believe that ONLY THEN will you begin living.  Living is when each breath is valued. When each new sight opens your eyes to things you never knew. Living is loving your life and every tinny tiny moment of it………I will be the first to admit that I am not yet to this point, but I am close. I love my life, yet not enough to appreciate it fully. Therefore, instead of truly living….. I exist……but I want to do more than that.

Today I vow to grab life by the ropes and go on a journey that I could only have dreamed of. I will find my true calling and realize why I am here and what I am meant to do. I will cherish each sight and each breath. I will live my life and I will finally feel the true love that can only arise once you fully love the person you see every day……… yourself.

Life is nothing without purpose…..if we had no purpose we would just walk around the earth doing nothing productive….not making a difference……..we would basically be a hallow shell of a human……….

I guess what I am trying to say is, now is the time to stop existing and start living. Don’t let doubts hold you back from your true callings. Do not be afraid to fail a few times. Find your purpose in life and fall in love with yourself. Appreciate your life and every single second of it…… Life is so beautiful………..and I don’t want you to finally realize that when it is too late.

Have a great day,

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: 
https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484



Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Kissed the Midnight Moon

Kissed the Midnight Moon
By: Monica Renata

I kissed the midnight moon
That seemed so far away
I felt it on my cherry lips
I could taste its sweet taste

I kissed the midnight moon
Yet it wasn’t as cold as I thought
It had warmth about it all
And soon I got lost in my thoughts

Floating high forever
Never coming back down
A love like no other
A love that lifts me high and never brings me down

I kissed the midnight moon
Something I loved but was always far away
I was able to finally get a glimpse of heaven
And find the light in my darkest of days

“Sometimes we don’t really understand how close we are to obtaining what we truly want. We admire from a distance and believe that the impossible cannot be reached, but actually it can be. The only way to guarantee that you will never be able to reach your utmost potential is to not try. “ –Monica Renata






Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: 
https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484







I am TOO nice

I am too nice

I'm too nice.... That's my problem... I'm really too nice. And when people act ugly towards me I don't have it in me to treat them the same way...

I grew up being taught the Golden Rule. You know, “Treat people the way you would like to be treated”…… I treat others with kindness because at the end of the day that is the same kindness that I would like to be returned to me.
 Genuine kindness……
The type of kindness where if someone was crying you would give up your precious valuable time to be their shoulder to cry on.

The type of kindness where you offer your last just so someone could have something.

The type of kindness where you would give up a few minutes of your happiness just to see someone else smile...

So genuine…..So true……..Yet it so often seems that the world does not appreciate people like that.
Kindness has become a thing of the past. Everyone must equip themselves with an iron heart because emotions are trampled on daily, kindness is deemed to be a weakness, and quite frankly having evil ways (whether it be using or disrespecting someone) has become the norm.
To be such a kind person in an unkind world………Must be hard at times…….

I have said to myself so many times “I am too nice”………
I have told myself that “I will start treating others as coldly as they treat me”……
I say “I won’t let this hurt my feelings anymore. I will stop being nice”……

But at the end of the day……I remain the same.

I remain the person who checks on others to make sure they are doing okay.
I remain the person who goes out of my way to bring medicine or food to a friend if they are sick.
I remain the person who smiles despite knowing that this kindness will never be returned…..

A friend once told me the following, “A consequence of being nice and doing stuff for people is that you can never expect that in return or else you will be disappointed.”

For so long, I thought this was a foolish statement. I honestly thought that others too knew of the Golden Rule, which they did; however many only use it when it benefits them. So selfish…….but what can you do? That’s life……….

I guess it all comes down to “To Be” or “Not to Be”……….
Do you want to be a nice person or not?
Do you want to live selflessly or selfishly?
Do you want the possibility of having your feelings hurt if you are taken advantage of or do you have it in you to be okay with the outcome either way it goes?

I’m too nice……That may be so true. My feelings may be hurt so many times, but no matter what, I will still smile. I will still be that person who tries to brighten others day. I will still be that person who checks up on others to make sure all is well. I will still be that person who helps others even though I may need help at times. And no, this does not mean I am a weak person.
Kind
Adjective.
Having or showing a gentle nature and a desire to help others: wanting and liking to do good things and to bring happiness to others
What is so weak about that person? What is so wrong about trying to spread happiness? What is wrong with being kind?......

I believe that nothing is wrong with it. There is no such thing as being “Too Nice”! You are yourself. You are a great person, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It isn’t your fault that others take advantage of your gentle nature. In all honestly, when someone takes advantage of a nice person they are actually ruining so much for themselves.
When a kind person’s heart begins to become icy cold, it doesn’t really have that much emotion left. All the bruises from being trampled on so many times may heal, but the heart no longer beats with kindness; it beats with rage and resentment. When a kind person dies inside, it isn’t a good thing for anyone really. With so much negativity in the world……..why deprive the world of someone who’s joy is to bring happiness to others?......

I guess what I’m trying to say is this……..
If you are a nice person, please continue to be nice. Don’t let the world change you.
And if you know nice people, please do not use them. Appreciate them, for it is very rare that we come across selfless people. Too many times we purely focus on ourselves and neglect those who go out of their way for us. Too many times we forget about people until the moment when we need them. Too many times we act ugly with each other because we feel as though our kindness will be taken as weakness and we will be used……..

I'm too nice.... That's my problem... I'm really too nice. And when people act ugly towards me I don't have it in me to treat them the same way...

But at the end of the day, I rather be a nice person than to be someone I am not………I guess it all comes down to “To Be” or “Not to Be”……….


Have a great day,
Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: 
https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484




Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Appreciate The Night Sky

Appreciate The Night Sky
By: Monica Renata

Each night is one in the same
The same ole night sky
That glistens with every star above
As the moon just shifts on by

To view this as a miracle
To view this as unique
Would be to say air is so rare
Therefore at night we sleep

To never look in amazement
To miss the shooting stars
To miss the radiance of the moon’s splendor
To not gaze til morning comes

Beautiful indeed
Light that brightens your darkest nights
It deserves a gaze
Yet so many look away and don’t admire the sight

Always there
Yet Forgotten
Forgotten
Yet always tries to shine
Don’t ever forget about your night sky
For soon those stars may die

For once the twinkles are all gone
And once the moon no longer shines bright
The night sky will search for another
Who shall appreciate their light


“Don’t ever take anyone or anything for granted………. For you might lose the one thing that was keeping your world from being consumed by darkness.” – Monica Renata 






Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I Thought.....

I thought…………
For the past few nights I have been in heavy thought.

Wondering…..
Contemplating…..
Hoping….

Words floated endlessly through my mind just like feathers on the wind on a cool autumn breeze. Frighteningly beautiful thoughts.
To have all, then to lose it all…..

To want more, yet be unable to obtain it…
Consumed by the thought of not knowing…...never truly knowing……….
I thought

Tears of sadness flowed from those big eyes that so many said were beautiful. The smile that was always there was no more. Like the rivers that flow through so many places ….

A never ending flow……..
            Drifting around the curves of earthly flesh….
                        Ongoing………….

In the darkness, solitude is truly realized. Surrounded by nothing but four blank walls…..the insignificance of your existence is recognized…and then you begin to sink again……..Tears start to wet the ground around you………..Your feet begin to descend……….Life is becoming cloaked by quicksand which you cannot escape.

Tears of sadness turn to rage………
            Tears of rage become hate……..
                        And hate consumes the soul……….

Yet I still thought….

To have all, then to lose it all…..
To want more, yet be unable to obtain it…
Consumed by the thought of not knowing….never truly knowing……….

Sometimes, our biggest downfall is our own mind…… We think too much. We dwell too much on the negative happenings of our lives and we let them consume us. A thought turns into a dream which then evolves into an ongoing nightmare that we live daily. Each day it is the same, we cower in that corner of misery and live the same event over and over and over again til the peak of our sadness has been reached and we feel as though it cannot be pacified by anyone.

People have a tendency of never seeing the good in situations. We extrapolate that every happening in our life is an outright attack on our personal integrity. We don’t take away any lessons for the situations; instead we just believe that “someone” is against us.

I thought………

I thought so much about the same thing over and over again. I thought about what happened. I thought about how I felt. I thought about how much sadness and hatred was now an emotional burden for me…. I thought about so much, but I never once thought about how I played a role.

I never thought about how my actions could have been the cause.
I never thought about how maybe I need to look within myself and change things.
I never thought that maybe the only person who was against me was myself……….

For the past few nights I have been in heavy thought.

Wondering…..
Contemplating…..
Hoping….

Words floated endlessly through my mind just like feathers on the wind on a cool autumn breeze. Frighteningly beautiful thoughts.

But today……….. I won’t let those thoughts consume me….I can no longer blame one person for a situation that the outcome is dependent on multiple people and situations. I look within myself for clarification. I look within myself for peace. For no one is against me, I am my own worst enemy. And I realize that if I want change, it will start with me. Things happen in life…… Some good things… Some bad things…. Some days you will be happy… Other days you may be really really sad. But each day is a blessing and a day to learn. Look within yourself for clarity. Do not try to discard your own faults as nonexistent. We are not perfect, nor are we expected to be. Life may throw us many punches, but sometimes we must look at situations to realize if we are the reason that life decided to swing.

Have a great day,


Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Monday, April 7, 2014

The Sun After the Storm

The Sun after the Storm
By: Monica Renata

In a world of endless silence
Stranded far away from home
No friend to talk to
Not a thing to call your own

Darkness infinitely surrounds you
You are in the middle of the sea
The storms are raging fiercely
Here is not where you want to be

Cold as the artic snowcaps
Face as pale as can be
Your hope is somewhat shattered
You crumble to your feet

Why have I been forsaken?
Why have I not have anything to call my own?
Why am I consumed with sadness?
Why don’t I have a place to call home?

To pity you is what you want
You want others to see
But sometimes you have the let your inner light shine
In order for you to truly open your eyes to see

In a world of endless silence
Stranded far away from home
No friend to talk to
Not a thing to call your own

Darkness infinitely surrounds you
You are in the middle of the sea
The storms are raging fiercely
Here is not where you want to be

But maybe you are supposed to be here
For maybe you will learn
Learn to believe in yourself more
Learn to be the sun after each storm

Sure at times you may have no one
Sure you may not have any place to be
But remember that pain is only temporary
And here in pain you will not always be









Friday, April 4, 2014

Standing Up Is the Hard Part

Standing up is the hard part
So much weight on your two feet
Moving forward into the world
Yet not knowing where that path leads

Standing up is the hard part
So many things you have to do
There are many goals to accomplish
And so many tasks to pursue

Standing up is the hard part
So keep standing and never get down
It might be painfully hard some days
But it’s better than being on the ground

TOo many times we fall face first
And are afraid to get back up
Too many times we let life knock us down
And we say we cannot and will not get up
Too many times we let opinions of others
Hold us down more and more
Too many times we didn’t rise up
Because it was just easy staying down on the floor

Standing up is the hard part
But it is better than defeat
Don’t let life get you down
Be all that you can be

And the times that you feel weary
And believe that you have no more strength
Remember that although your other option may be easy
The consequence is that in life you will never transcend

“If you are always afraid to get up after a fall, then you will never be able to progress in life. Standing up may be the hard part, but it also yields the most rewards. Continue to move forward in life and never let situations keep you down” –Monica Renata






Thursday, April 3, 2014

Holding On

Holding On
By: Monica Renata

Holding on to hope
But is this hope true
Am I floating in dreams?
Am I hiding from the truth?
Actions do speak
But words confirm
Tell me your feelings
Let them be known

Holding on
But should I let go
My brain says yes
But my heart constantly tells me no
Actions do speak
But words confirm
But I can’t reveal
How much I feel alone

Holding on
Is what I constantly do
Hiding my feelings
While also hiding from the truth
Actions do speak
But words confirm
Before all I love myself first
So this can’t go on


“Sometimes you just have to know when to walk away. Never jeopardize your feelings for the sake of “getting” someone back in your life. If they left, it was a conscious decision they made. Just pick up your pride and move on.. “– Monica Renata 




Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912
The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484