Feather

Feather

By: Monica Renata

To only be a feather

Float lightly on the wind

Close eyes in wonder

And begin to pretend

Lightweight and beautiful

Floating round and round

Going on forever

Yet never touching the cold, hard ground

Admired by many

Yet captured by none

Started standing by many

Now floating as one

Going to new places

So light and so free

To only be a feather

And live not confined by what others want for me

“Live life freely. Don’t let others view of what your life should be confine you to their small world. Expand your horizons and live.” –Monica Renata 

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
Blog: http://monicarenata.blogspot.com

Cadaver's Dream

The night is young
The day is old

Wishing for a sign
Chills in my soul

Partially awake
Yet mentally sleep

Sweat drips down
Ice cold feet

Can't hear any sounds
Yet within screams

Looking in the mirror
Reflection can't be seen

Breathing hard
But gasping for air

Reaching for it
But it is not there

Beating heart
So shattered and weak

Pumping a fluid
That rejuvenates me

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust

So close to death
I can feel her touch

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
Blog: http://monicarenata.blogspot.com

I Dreamed A Dream

I Dreamed A Dream

By: Monica Renata

I dreamed that life was splendid

I dreamed that life was neat

I dreamed that all my dreams would come true

And riches would be thrown at my feet

I dreamed of homes with marble

I dreamed of blue skies and crystal clean air

I dreamed of my prince charming

Waiting in the carriage made of glass

I dreamed that life was a fairy tale

I dreamed that all my wishes would come true

I dreamed of a world of splendor

Yet in my naïve mind I didn’t have a clue

Life is not a fairy tale

Some wishes don’t come true

You can’t always just be given what you want

You have to work hard too

So long are the dreams of glory

That I have so long dreamed

For life isn’t a fairy tale

And I have to put in work in order to receive

Receive my world of riches

Receive that house I yearn

I can’t just wait for it to be given

For that doesn’t happen like that anymore

To wish upon a star

Wait for a genie to grant my wish

I wasn’t born a princess

But I know happily ever after does exists

Was I at once foolish?

Was I once blind but now can see?

I dreamed life was a fairy tale

Yet reality is what my eyes meet

"Life isn't a fairy tale....but sometimes you can get your happily ever after. You just have to work hard to get it instead of waiting for it to happen" - Monica Renata 

Promises: Are they really made to be broken?

Promises…..How many of us have heard the statement that “Promises are made to be broken.”

I promise I won’t lie to you

I promise I won’t tell your secrets

I promise I would never hurt you

I promise

So many promises given, yet how many are actually fulfilled? I once believed that all promises would be kept. In my naïve mind, I actually believed that others knew the true value of keeping a promise. I thought that if I could do it, so could they. I let others promise me things and when they messed up I said to myself, “Oh this promise will become fulfilled in time”………and you know what…. They never did.

I was lied to

My secrets were told

I was hurt…

Promises broken and yet they cannot be repaired. Hurt felt deep down in your soul and a silent cry is released but only you can stand amidst your own agony. I trusted too many. I believed that too many would come through. They let me down. And by them letting me down, I felt like I let myself down for believing them.

Promises mean nothing…. Or so I thought…….

One day I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let others get me down. I promised myself that despite the hurt that others have placed on me, I will not let that emit to my friends and family. I promised that no matter how hard my life is I will never try to make anyone feel worthless. I keep my promises. I hold on to my words. If I say that I am going to do something, I will do it. It may be in two hours, a day, or even a year but when I make a promise I will fulfill it in the end.

The true value of a promise cannot be seen unless you keep promises with yourself. If you cannot even keep a promise that you make with yourself that entails that they are entirely worthless to you. Promises involve trust…And if you can’t trust yourself. Who else do you actually have?  

A promise is a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future.

I promise myself many things.

I promise to be better each day.

I promise to live a positive life.

I promise to try to make my mark on this world.

Promises…They are very special and involve a lot of trust. From what actually goes on around us, we may indeed think that promises are made to be broken. In life, we encounter a disappointments that results from promises that were not kept. We get hurt, and then we become bitter. We lose trust in mankind. We think that all people are bad…and the value of a promise becomes utterly worthless…. But in reality, a promise being broken shows that the other person lacks the ability to truly trust themselves. To make a promise, and then turn against it…..when one does this they are turning on themselves as well. Don’t get angry.

Hope that the person find themselves.

Hope that they truly begin to trust themselves.

Be happy that you aren’t them……

Just know the true value of promises, and don’t let others ignorance get you do. Promises aren’t made to be broken. For if you break a promise, you break the trust you have with yourself.

-Monica Renata

Hero's Curse

Hero’s Curse

By: Monica Renata

Volcanoes erupt.

The sky is filled with gray.

Who will come and save us

On this so unfortunate day?

Hearts are stricken with fear.

Eyes are filled with fright.

We need someone to save us.

We need someone to use all their might.

And amidst the gloomy stratosphere

Someone rises against the foe.

It appears to be a hero

Who has been frequently seen before.

Grateful are the people.

Two cheers for the battle that goes on.

We must applaud our hero.

For he is very strong.

His battle wounds will go ignored.

The fight will still go on.

And in the end he defeats the villain.

But inside he is torn.

For all the times he helped others

He never saw this deed repeat

For he helped others all the time

But wondered who would help in his time of need

And as the skies restore to blue.

His heart sinks instead of soar.

For he shall go to his hideout.

And wait til the next time he is needed once more.

The curse of being a hero.

People are always cheering so happily.

Yet no one can truly calm the sadness.

Which inside the hero they can’t see.

Who will save the hero?

The world may never know.

Yet when others are in need.

You will see him again once more.

A beautiful ending.

Yet such a tragic end.

The hero saves the world again

But the world won’t be his true friend

The Path to Victory

The Path to Victory

By: Monica Renata

Tomorrow is another day

A day to put my feet back on the grass

I can’t let the past losses disappoint me

I have to keep that in the past

Tomorrow is another day

In which I will continue to train

I have to keep getting better

Even if it means practicing in the storming rain

Tomorrow is another day

A day in which victory is close

For each day I give my all

I am placing fear in my foes

Work hard each day

Play harder on the field of life

Crushing all those against me

Victory is within sight

Tomorrow is another day

I said this long ago

And now I stand so much stronger

Than I have ever been before

The time is now that I face my fate

I smell triumph in the air

The path to victory I have taken

And it has lead me here

“The key to winning is positivity and believing in yourself. If you believe that you can conquer your world, then you are half ways there.” –Monica Renata  

The Unnoticed Bloom

The Unnoticed Bloom

By: Monica Renata

Today the flowers bloomed

But you didn’t even notice

Their fluorescent smell crossed the meadow

Yet your nose didn’t even notice

They were so beautiful and also bright

But your eyes could not see

You were surrounded by endless beauty

But your heart wouldn’t let you see

To be surrounded by such greatness

But inside filled with grief

Happiness is overshadowed

By the darkness which is inside deep

Deep within your battered soul

Deep within your heart

You can’t see the joy around you

If you house hate in your heart

Good days are bound to happen

And so are bad days as well

But it is up to you to decide

Which days will overwhelm

To hold on to something that brings you down

Makes no sense at all

For if you continue to carry that weight

You will never rise after each fall

Today the flowers bloomed

I wish that you could see

Their fluorescent smell crossed the meadow

I wish you could smell those flowers with me

They were so beautiful and also bright

You would enjoy this sight indeed

To be surrounded by endless beauty

You need to open up your heart and let it see

“Don’t let disappointments in your life get you down. If you hang on to all the negativity in your life, you will never be able to rise above it. Stay positive and know that each day is a new day to do better.” – Monica Renata  

Fisherman's Treasure

Fisherman’s Treasure

By: Monica Renata

As he sat upon the rocky beach

Holding on to his precious gem

He glanced at it one last time

Before a.m. turned to p.m.

Overwhelmed with emotions

Inside he feels like he has died

Yet he tries to hold on to the memories made

He tries hard not to cry

But in his instance of sorry

He decided to throw the gem away

Even though it was beautiful and shined so brightly

He no longer wanted it around his face

So deep down in the ocean blue

The gem should shine no more

Covered by endless sediment

As it landed on the ocean floor

A precious gem that once had value

Has value no more

Sitting patiently waiting to be found

On that lonely ocean floor

As he sat upon the rocky beach

Holding nothing in his hands

He glanced at the open water once more

Before a.m. turned to p.m.

Overwhelmed with emotions

In search of something he thought he would never find

He wants to find something special

You can see it in his eyes

And in his instance of sorrow

You can see determination on his face

He wants to find his precious

And today he cannot wait

So deep down in the ocean blue

Until his body can be seen no more

Covered by endless ocean waters

He lands on the ocean floor

A precious gem that once had value

Has value once again

And this time it shines much brighter

Than when it was in the other man’s hands

Fisherman’s treasure

A value once more restored

Be careful what you throw in the waters

For when you want again it will be there no more

 "Don't throw away something that you always wanted to keep" -Monica Renata 

Porcelain Doll

Porcelain Doll

By: Monica Renata

Cheeks the color of roses

Eyes made of glass

Sitting on the top shelf

As time so slowly pass

Watching the surroundings around

Eyes just cannot shut

Smiling so radiantly

Yet happiness isn’t felt much

People swarm around

Yet no one comes to play

Sitting on the shelf

Waiting for the next day

Never getting any attention

Only there for a few weekly stares

Beauty is so brilliant

Yet your attention I can’t have

To be something so precious

Yet to be constantly ignored

Smile brightly little porcelain doll

Through all the pain you must endure

Taste Your Words

Does it taste a lot like jealousy?

Mixed with a little bit of spite?

Or does it taste like motivation?

Mixed with good vibes?

Bitter about a few things?

Voicing your own insecurities and fears?

Repeating unverified words which were heard with your ears?

Two lips moving up and down

At the speed of light

Take time to taste the words that you speak

To your taste buds, are they a delight?

Bitter words uttered daily

Should be replaced by those which are sweet

Let your taste buds go on a trip

Away from negativity

Sour and bitter tastes

Shall no longer be

Instead opt for something better

That is flavorful and sweet

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484

Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
Blog: http://monicarenata.blogspot.com

The Letter

Tear my flesh upon my back

Set a fire to my bones

Silence the words of my wisdom

I am now emotionally cold

Cold as the wind that blows on the cold November day

Pounding on my soul that wishes to see the light of day

Calm within the storm

I so decided to wait

For you to read my letter

And finally know what I have to say

Reading my every word

Words which came from my soul

I wanted you to feel what I felt

But I guess your heart is cold

Tearing up my letter

I feel each rip go down my back

Burning up the pieces

I can feel the fire burning up to my neck

Silenced are the words I wrote

They no longer mean a thing

On that cold November day

You decided to silence all words from me

Ashes lie before us both

A pile of powdery substance on the floor

And soon a draft blows them away

I guess now my soulful words are no more

Monica Renata 
My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484
Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
Blog: http://monicarenata.blogspot.com

Time: How much do you really have?

Time.......

How many times have we said we just "don't have the time”???

In each day there are 24 hours, within those 24 hours are 1440 minutes, and within those minutes are 86,400 seconds..... Seems like a lot, doesn't it? 

Each day we wake up to take on the world. We go out there and do what we have to do in order to make it to the next day. At times, your day can seem so hectic and you just wish some of your time away. For example, how many times have you been sitting at work and just praying silently in your head that the end of the day would come soon so you can just go home and relax? 

It's amazing how we say time is so precious and valuable...yet we actually don't value it at all. We play around it and expect it to mold around our lives, but the truth is, time stops for no one. 

Everyone has a small doomsday clock above their heads that we all ignore. We neglect the fact that each day of life brings us closer to death. We forget that soon others presence will be no longer. We forget that we should embrace each moment as if it were our last...Instead; we push things to the side. We say they are not important at the moment. We say we have time to take care of all these things........And when we don't take care of these things we blame time. We say we didn't have enough of it. We say it moves too fast. We say I wish I was given more time. 

We don't look at ourselves. We don't see how wasteful we are of something so precious. In any given day a person can update their Facebook status, post photos on Instagram, play games, and watch hours of TV but swear they didn't have time for other things in life....

To pick up the phone and call someone just to say hello

To hug a family member and tell them how much you love them

To help your fellow man and encourage others in life

To open your mind and see things through new eyes

Small things, that many of us swear we have no time for..............

In each day there are 24 hours, within those 24 hours are 1440 minutes, and within those minutes are 86,400 seconds..... It may seem like a lot, but it actually isn’t. Time is one of the few things in life we can’t get back once it is used. Each day is something special. Each day is a day in which you should take advantage of every second and do positive things with your life. Don’t fool around with idle tasks that do nothing for you. Open your eyes and see the beauty that surrounds you and appreciate it. Don’t let someone’s clock expire before you actually realize how much they mean to you.

Take time to tell people you love them, and make every second of your life count!!

Have a great day!!!

Monica Renata

My Book: 
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4430912

The Awkward Butterfly: http://amzn.com/B00EP5A484
Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheAwkwardButterfly

My Blog: 
Blog: http://monicarenata.blogspot.com

The Search For Happy

No one can buy you your happiness
It is something only you must seek
For even in the brightest forest
It can still be hard to see

To find your true happiness
You might have to search through the stars above
Because everyone's happiness isn't in water
Nor even down the many streets that you walk

No one can buy you your happiness
So stop thinking that this is something others have to do
Get out and chase your dreams
Find some hobbies to pursue

Happiness isn't hard to find
It is just sometimes hard to see
Hard to see what you truly want
Hard to see what makes you happy

Find the things in life that make you smile
Find the things that make you sing
And in your quest of finding those things
You will find you way to HAPPY and see what true happiness really means

Journey to the Mountain

I journey to the mountain
To face the war I waged
My thoughts are filled with victory
But inside I'm afraid

To face what I have longed to face
To face what is unknown
Forward I shall continue
Until what is unknown is known

Surrounded by the enemy unexpectedly
I try to draw my sword
But it isn't next to me
And I am also standing alone

I am alone once again
It feels like cement is on my feet
I close my eyes and count to ten
Yet when I open my eyes I cannot see

A casulaty of this battle field
I shall someday be
Surrounded by all my fears
I know I shall face defeat

Heart pounding
Skin sweating
Eyes open but I can't see
I am fighting my own demons
That reside in me

My thoughts are taking me everywhere
But the truth I can't escape
And soon I find myself standing
In another unfamiliar place

In the sea I so stand
With a rage that can't be tamed
Surrounded by an endless sea
But my hands are covered in flames

So much power I have within
Yet I am unable to use
I feel like I have not the time to spend
On battling my dark inner truths

But running serves no purpose
For the enemy gets stronger with my retreat
I have to one day face my fears
I have to overcome obstacles put in place by me

I journey to the mountain
To face the war that inside I waged
My thoughts are filled with victory
But inside I'm afraid

I have to face the truth inside
I have to come to terms with what's within
I am fighting a battle with my fears
And today I plan to win

Going it Alone

"I'm going to the movies alone..............."

Never in a million years would I have ever thought of doing this. I mean, who does that? The only people who go to the movies alone are weirdos, friendless people...... you know.... people who are NOT you. 

But you know what.........what is so bad about it? 

Today, I sat at work thinking about how much I wanted to go see a movie. In all honesty, I thought about it for quite some time,  however, I didn't want to go alone. Therefore, I waited because I thought others would have asked me to go or even hint that they wanted to go to a movie...but none of this ever happened. In my attempt to "not go it alone" I even asked some of my friends...who turned down the request because they were "not into" that kind of movie. So there I was.... Wanting so see a movie..... but had no one to go see it with. And quite frankly, everyone seemed so wrapped up in their life, that doing something that is considered "uninteresting" to them would be such a burden. 

I'm not going to lie, I actually felt pitiful. 

There I was... 

Wanting to see a movie that I waited to come out for over 2 years.....

.and didn't have anyone to go with....not a dang soul

But hey, I wanted to go see it... So I had it in my head that I was going to go but I had to call others to get reassurance.

I called some friends and asked them if they would ever go see a movie alone. I was hoping that they would have encouraging words however, they did not have anything nice to say. 

"That's so lame!! Who goes to the movies alone?"

"Going to the movies alone is boring....."

"A person must be really desperate and unliked if they go see a movie alone.."

These types of comments kept coming. I actually decided to cancel my plans to initially see the movie because of them. But then I thought to myself, Why am I afraid to go alone? 

I couldn't even answer that question......... It's not like I thought I would have been taunted by the movie theater ghost.... Nor was it that I thought the Loser logo would be stamped on my forehead....The truth was.... I was just afraid of what others think....But why should I even care about what others think of me? So what if they think I'm lame!!!.... So what if they think I am desperate or unliked!!!!..... truth is... they can THINK whatever they wish of me because at the end of the day I know myself. And I know that I am not any of those things. 

I went to the movies. Alone. I went so early in the day that only a handful of people were in there.. And I had a great time. I laughed, I was entertained, and I was happy...But most importantly, I learned something about myself. 

If you are constantly afraid to do things alone, you will miss out on true growth and some of the best experiences in life. 

I find this event as a stepping stone to my future. I no longer will let the thoughts of others deter me from what I want to do. We all come across roadblocks in life, and many times those roadblocks are people's thoughts...but we just don't realize it them. 

Wake up!!! Stop being scared of lonely because lonely isn't  a bad thing. Don't be afraid to burn your own path in life. Don't be afraid to venture from the crowd. Sure it might be scary, but you will definitely thank yourself later. 

I went see a movie alone...

And no it didn't suck as much as I thought it would have..

It actually made me realize that sometimes I should be satisfied with just the company of ME. 

The Wait

As the sky went from blue to midnight
As my room slowly faded to black
Thoughts wandered through my mind
But in my spot I so sat

A place that is so old
Yet it always seems brand new
The place you told me to wait
If I wanted to ever see you

Surrounded by what I always knew
But yet also surrounded by the unknowns
Thoughts racing through my mind
I can't figure out which way I shall one day go

To leave this place would be a dream
But to leave would be a dream not so much
So instead I will just wait it out
Waiting for your touch

But I can't do this forever
One day I want to be free
I can't keep waiting for forever
So now may be my time to leave

As the sky went from midnight to blue
As my room slowly faded to blue from black
Thoughts wandered through my mind
But in my spot I so sat
Yet this time I wasn't as still
As I have been before
My feet finally started moving
And I'm making my way towards the door

Insides

Twigs upon the great oak tree
Seem to break with the wind
Limbs which were thought to be strong
Actually do bend
The outer appearance shows much
But it doesn't show all
To be strong on the outside
Doesn't reflect what's inside and that's the downfall

As strong as a great big wall
But hallow on the inside
Putting on a mask of a greater emotion
Than what is really felt inside
Standing like the great oak tree
So strong and beautiful indeed
But if only others knew
That my insides were so weak

"Hiding emotions really doesn't solve anything... It just makes you weaker. " -Monica Renata