Winter Storm

I remember when the snow fell light

And it landed on the ground

This rarely happened in my neighborhood

So I was happy and I smiled

I remember when that snow turned to hail

And then feel upon my face

It wasn’t as soft as the snow was

But I was still happy it came

I remember when that hail turned to hail stones

And I finally had to run for cover

I watched in amazement while in my house

And I went watch from the window while wrapped in my covers

Soon the snow came harder

And the stones continued to fall

I watched myself get blocked in

And I no longer could do anything at all

I remember when he said he loved me

I was happy and I smiled

And I remember when he left

But he came back

And I was happy, so I smiled

But now it is just a storm

And I have tried to run but cannot hide

I can be honest with him and tell him how I feel

But it seems like he doesn’t get it inside

Why would someone want something

That they decided to throw away

Why would someone hold on to something

In hopes of having it one day

Why say you love someone

When you look in their face and constantly lie

And why shed a single tear

When I tell you I am tired of trying.

I remembered when it snowed that day.

I remember how I felt.

I was in love and I was blinded by some petty things

I was blinded by how I felt

When it began to hail I still watched in amazement

Because I wanted to believe it couldn’t be that bad

And when the hail stones started to drop

I ran for cover but I still was there

I eventually became trapped, and I was alone

And I was hiding from the truth

And we all know the truth can open scary doors

It opened the door to the real you

As time went on my heart grew cold

And I could say this is because of you

But now I treat you,

How you always treated me

And now you tell me you feel used

But that is something I can't see...

And now you show emotion

But my heart is cold and your tears don’t faze me

For now I am frozen

And you are a distant memory

I run into you time from time

And you are but a stranger to me

You give me a hug you buy a gift

But it doesn't mean anything to me at all

You call me and I pick up

And you just hear me breathe on the phone

You want me to show an ounce of feeling

But I packed those up long ago

But the moral of the story is

Don’t take advantage of a real love

Cause if someone really loves you

So loves with all their heart and soul

And yeah they say the first wound

Is always the one that cuts deep

But never throw away something

That you always thought you would keep

Because people get feed up at times

And yes, they do move on

But when someone loses all emotion for you

You basically do not exist in their world

So treat your partner right

And hold on to what you got

Cause a person can only take so much

Until they decide to shut you completely out

Are You Living?

Life.

It is so beautiful

Yet it is one of the things we really don't appreciate

The smell of morning dew

The sound of the wind blowing

All seem to be so insignificant until they go away

Today 

You woke up

You are breathing

But are you living? 

Think about what makes you smile

Think about what makes you sing

Think about the kindness others showed you

Think about all you say

Are you living life for yourself? 

Are you living for others? 

Are you trying to please your friends? 

Are you trying to please your mother? 

Life is so beautiful

Life is more than just finding a mate

Life is about living for you

Life is about living 

But what is living to you? 

Is living waking up each morning and going to bed each night? 

Is living completing tasks and trying to progress in areas of your life? 

Is living trying to make it into a better situation than you were born into?

Is living being completely and utterly happy? 

Open your eyes, and truly look within yourself. Are you happy with where you are now? Are you happy with your life? If the answer is 'Yes' then I congratulate you. However, if the answer is 'No', I would like to ask you why? If you aren't happy about something fix it. It is that simple. The truth is, your life can be actually anything that you wish it to be. All you have to do is believe that your life is worth living, and if you really do believe that it will soon become a fact. To live life......Like truly live life, you must live for yourself. Just like the milk in the fridge, you have a limited amount of time to do everything you want to do before you go bad. Your time is so precious, so don't waste it trying to do what OTHERS what you to do. Do What You Want with your life. 

Don't let others opinions sway you from where you truly want to be. 

Don't let others dreams become your own, and neglect yours. 

Don't live for someone else.....Live for you.

Life.

It is so beautiful

Yet it is one of the things we really don't appreciate

We don't appreciate life until we only have a few grains of sand left in our hourglass

We don't appreciate life until we realize that we have wasted years trying to please others

We don't appreciate life until we realize we have exhausted so much time

We don't appreciate life until we are looking death in the face

Too many times people lie on their death beds and think about what they wished they would have done. But I don't want you to be like that. Live life for yourself. If you want to run a marathon, go run a marathon. If you want to write a book, write a book! If you want to be the best part on earth, do it!!! If you want to dress up and be a ninja for the day, you better dress up and be the best ninja around!!! Do what makes you happy!! Do what you love!! Have no regrets!!! Smile in your struggles and make it through your failures because in the end at least you went after what you wanted. 

 And that my friend is what I would call Living..... 

So start living today... Do what makes you happy and stop letting those little birds of negativity tweet in your ear. Stop letting your fears hold you back. Stop putting aside your happiness, because you are afraid to hurt others feelings....because in the end you will regret it.

Today 

You woke up

You are breathing

But are you living? 

If not.... I really hope that you start soon :)

-Monica Renata

Sneaky Sara

Sneaky Sneaky Sara
Thinks that I don't know
She always in my business
She always wants to know

Know what I am doing
Know all whom I speak too
Sneaky Sara follows me
Like my favorite pair of shoes

Sneaky Sneaky Sara
Thinks that I don't know
So she covers up her footprints
But I still will know

Sara is so very sneaky
And she calls herself my friend
She thinks I don't know about this
So I guess I will continue to pretend

Bojo The Bandit

They called him Bojo the Bandit

His teeth were yellow and green 

His hair was wild and very unkempt

His clothes weren't all that clean

He was always quite

And I could never hear his feet

He always took the pretty things

When everyone was asleep

They called him Bojo the Bandit

He liked to steal many things

He stole moms new dinette set

He stole moms fancy rings

If it wasn't glued down 

He would take it

He just loved to take all things

And he also told me every day

"You should never want to be me"

They called him Bojo the Bandit

But I still don't understand

For Bojo was the man who I always called my dad

He took everything from my Mom

He took it while she was sleep

I guess this is the thing that is called divorce

So I won't speak a peep

For I'm afraid of the next thing he will take....

Perhaps it will be me

JoeJoe's Chocolates

Oh words cannot describe
This devilish little treat
For chocolate was my bestest friend
Until I suffered this feat

It all started two days ago
As I was perusing the aisles in the store
I had a sample of some chocolates
And my mouth just wanted more

So to aisle 3 I brought myself
I was surrounded by so much speldor
Gummy bears and coconut bites
I had to take a gander

So much deliciousness surrounding me
But my eyes wanted one thing
This box of JoeJoe's Chocolates
Those chocolates that made my tongue sing

So in the basket I threw a box
Then two, Then three
And the next thing I knew I was walking out the store
Cases of JoeJoe's Chocolates being carried behind me

I couldn't wait to get home that night
I would be a hog in  heaven indeed
Unknowingly To taste the sweet sweet chocolate gifts
Would cause the greatest depression, I now see


After eating five boxes I was full as a tick
I swear I couldn't feel any better
But then I felt a little prick
As my belt got a little tighter

I developed uncontrollable gas
Which I thought would never pass
And then I heard the loudest sound
And it was coming from within

I felt my stomach twirling around
I felt it jump around too
And then it felt like someone tied it
Like they were tying a knot on a rope

This continued for quite some time
Until I let out a cry
It felt like something was inside of me
And eating me from the inside

My stomach sounded like trumpets
That were calling the demons from hell
I crawled into a tiny ball
I wished I could run away from the smell

This went on for hours
And at one point I thought I wouldn't be able to open my eyes to see
But finally when the clock struck 12
The pain stopped and a man stood before me

"Well, I see you liked my chocolates kid!
I bet they were quite a delight!
My good ole JoeJoe Chocolates are supposed to make you have the time of your life!
But it is a treat that you must be very careful
Watch how much you eat 
For if not enjoyed in moderation you will face your punishment for greed"

And then after he said his words
He quickly went away
And now I learned my lesson
I will only eat one chocolate a day

Oh words cannot describe
This devilish little treat
For chocolate was my bestest friend
Until I suffered this feat

I Just Want You To Know

The beauty of your eyes

That can see deep down in my soul

The warmth that your embrace gives me

You are the fire in the mist of the cold

The way you smile so coyly

The firmness in the shake of your hand

The way you put no one above me

The way you make me constantly stare

The things I love about you

The things that I love so

You are the apple of my eye

And I just want you to know

That you are the reason why I smile

You are the reason why I sing

You protect me from the cruel cruel world

You take down my wall brick by brick

You are beautiful on the outside

But more spectacular within

I just can't find the words to describe

How you make me feel within

From the time the sun do rise

Til the time that it goes low

You are forever on my mind

I just wanted you to know

And don't for a second think

That I don't care the very least

For you bring me so much happiness in life

A future with you is all I want to see


"Sometimes the hardest words to say is how you really feel......" - Monica Renata

My Light In The Sky

Bright little stars scattered about 

like glitter in my hand

In the night sky I become completely lost

I am floating from the land

In euphoric Ecstasy

A feeling I can't explain

As I begin to rise

And touch the sky once again

Oh in my dreams I come alive

In my dreams I see you

The brightest star in the sky

For what brightens my days is you

The darkest darkness is a place I shall no longer be

For you are with me til the end of time

My guiding light in the darkness

For you light up my life

Inadequate

If you could wish it
You'd wish me perfect
But that cannot be so
So instead you complain about things you want changed
And things that have to go


You say I'm perfect
But not quite perfect
Like a flawed little jewel
I have such a radiance about me
But you wish it to be dull

Shine bright like a diamond
But not too bright for others to see
Hold your head up with dignity
But slant your eyes so you can't see

Insecure, you have me feeling
Nonchalant, you want me to be
Sparse, are my interactions
Eccentric, I am to be
Crazy, you make me seem
Ugly, I feel inside
Resounding is my life
Electric is my personality that I now hide

I'm almost completely perfect
But there are some things that I lack
Stop tearing me down to piece
For now I feel inadequate


"When you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. Until you truly believe that you are good enough, you never will be." -Monica Renata 

White Flag

Who will wave the white flag?
Who will reveal the truth?
To give up now would hurt so bad
But maybe it is something you need to do

The smallest drop of poison
Dispensed through your veins
Slowly killing you each moment
Slowly driving you insane

What you want is your greatest downfall
Your greatest downfall seems so sweet
Confused by your inner emotions
Yet you still have to see....

It's everything you ever wanted
It's everything that you feel you need
You are pursuing your greatest downfall
But perhaps its time to leave

"Sometimes the one thing we fight for the most is the ONE THING we do not need......." - Monica Renata

Can't Make You Stay

When your eyes lose that shimmer

When you no longer look for me to hold

I stand in the corner

I stand there all alone

When you walk around in circles

When you open your mouth to speak

I listen to your every word...but..

I am afraid to speak

When you grab all of your belongings

When you tell me you can't do this anymore

I shield myself from the hurt

I shield myself from being alone

There are many things I could do

There are many things I could say

But what I know for certain

Is I can't make you stay

For your feet are not here planted

For your mind is made up as you speak

I can't do anything about it

Obviously you don't like what you see

I can speak to an entire nation

I can make them feel my words

But to you I am nothing

To you my words are so cold

I could do so many things

There are so many things I could be

But I know I can't make you stay

If you are determined to leave

PINCH

A speck on my drinking glass

A particle on my spoon

A spot I cannot erase

But I want it removed

A memory I shall never forget

A distant thought that I hate to remember

A unneeded nuisance to all

Removal is definitely the appropriate measure

Just something that I dislike

Just something that shouldn't be

For negativity isn't needed in my life

I need to break completely  free

A speck of utter discontent

A particle of hate

A spot upon my shattered heart

A memory that can't be erased

A distant thought I hate to remember

The unneeded nuisance was me

For you never loved me like you said you did

For in life you tried to remove me

There are just some things I don't like

There are some things I don't need

For if I can't make you  happy

Then maybe its my time to leave

 

I came, I saw, I conquered

I came

I saw

I conquered

And yet that wasn't enough

My greed sometimes consumes my being

Enough is never really "enough"

I try

I try again

I then succeed

And I should be happy but I want more

My constant obsession to become better consumes me

I can't be complacent for long

I climb

I run

I reach my goal

Standing on the mountain top

My dream is to touch the sky

So today I won't stop

 

Always go further than you wanted to go

Always push pass your past successes

And if you feel like you reached your peak

Just know that you can keep on progressing

I came

I saw

I conquered

That was never really enough

And with that I found out

That I could be much better than I actually thought

"You never know what you are fully capable of if you don't give yourself a shot.... Stop capping your talents! You are capable of more than you think!!!" -Monica Renata

You Are You

You can't be me
And I can't be you
You are You
And no one can be more you than you

Each second that pass
Each minute in the day
Turns into hours
And then hours turn to days


Those days mash in together
But it doesn't hide the truth
That yesterday, today, and tomorrow
You will be YOU

You are someone special
You are someone unique
You are you
So start saying, "I love me!"

"The best love is self love!!" -Monica Renata

Man Vs Thief

Many admire the thief
For the countless riches they've gained

But no one notices the man
Who goes to work each day

So easy it is to be blinded
By such shiny silver and gold

Yet the copper of a penny dulls
And can't soothe the greed in the soul

Little by little the man shall work
More and more the thief shall take

But in the end the greatest riches
Are held by those who don't cheat

"Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow" Proverbs 13:11

They Want Me To Follow Instructions

They want me to follow instructions

Like I’m some sort of child

They want me to have fear in my voice

They want me to not smile

They want me to listen to everything

Every little word they say

They want me to follow instructions

But I shall say, “No Way!”

To give up all my liberties

And become a mental slave

Is something that I shall not become

My relentlessness shall not wave

Undoubtedly doubtful

Yet inside I have too much pride

The lion’s roar is mute today

But the heart of the beast is still inside

Remove the shackles from my mental

Let my words become the swords that stab deep

They want me to follow instructions

But I want my soul to be free

“Sometimes we let others imprison us mentally……. Once a mind is imprisoned hope may seem so far away… Don’t allow yourself to become a mental slave to others.” –Monica Renata

 

I tried

I tried to be a cat today
I sat down and let out a purr
I rubbed my body on the passing humans
But alas, I didn't have any fur


I tried to be mermaid today
I swam deep down under the sea
I saw many fish surrounding me
But alas, I could not breath

I tried to be a warrior today
I grabbed a big sword that was heavy to hold
I ran onto a field of grass
But alas, it was accompanied by not a single soul

I tried to be so many things
But in the end that wasn't me
I guess I have to "try" to stop being something else
I have to just be me


I can try to do many things
I can imitate what I see
But growth comes from self-realization
Growth comes from within me

I tried to be myself today
I really liked that a lot
I realized that there is beauty within your flaws
But alas, I realized I can't be what I am not


"Sometimes the hardest thing to realize in life is that you are good enough being YOURSELF. You do not have to imitate others in order to stand out.... Know yourself, and love yourself and others will follow" -Monica Renata

The HeartBreaker

Completely and utterly interesting

The apple of one's eye

Admiration of so many others

But nothing but coldness inside

Smile that shines so brightly

Followed by a smirk

We were warned about this person

This person will treat you worst than dirt

To take your heart and hold it

Hold it so very tight

You think this is a loving embrace

But it only looks like that to the naive eye

Dance with your emotions

In a never ending fiery ring

You think this is love

Because what else could it be?

Wrapped up in this whole feeling

Then they decide to leave

Lost in all confusion

You get on your knees and plead

"Why is this happening?"

"What did I do wrong?"

But in the eyes of the HeartBreaker

You see a person with no soul

Stealing hearts and murdering them

Make your emotions cease

You can't win with the heartbreaker

For they will leave your heart decease

"Watch who you give your heart to...... Everyone doesn't value it the same..........." - Monica Renata

Who Wants To Be Normal?

Who wants to be Normal? 

You know, normal just like you

With that nice clean shirt on your back

And that rugged pair of shoes

Who wants to be normal? 

Who wants to have their hair neat all day? 

Who wants to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner

Instead of snacking through the day?

Who wants to be normal?

Not this person here

I just want so much in life

I want to be eccentric to the vast majority of my peers

I'd rather be different

I would rather wake up at 2

And my first meal will be called Br-inner

And I wouldn't wear tied shoes

I want to wear wrinkled shirts

And I don't want to wear any shoes

I mean who wants to be normal?

If I will be just like you

Hair unkempt on my head

The biggest smile on my face

What's the point of being normal

When you can be carefree and smile all day

The world would be my oyster

I would go by no one's clock but my own

Being normal isn't all its cracked up to be

Being normal means to society you conform

I'd rather be unconventional

I'd rather be just like me

Because whats the point of being Normal

If I have to change some pieces of me? 

Then walk this world as a drone

:)

Knocking at my door

Knocking on my door

But I'm afraid to answer

Back to my room I go

They shall not receive an answer

Pounding at my door

I tip toe to the door to peek

Someone is standing on the doorstep

But they are unfamiliar to me

The Doorbell chimes a few times

I wish they would go away

"No one is here," I shout to them

"Please just go away"

I hear them shouting out my name

They say "Hey this is me!!"

But I'm not willing to take that chance

I stand still and can't move my feet

"I will just leave a letter, " He shouted

"And I won't come here anymore"

And when I finally read that letter it said

"Don't miss out when Opportunity knocks on your door"

 

THAT PERSON never left.......... ( A short story)

I was young. I believed that everyone was purely good at heart. I believed that the world was going to be as great as I wanted it to be. I was naive but I didn't know it. Mom always told me, "Child be careful who you consider your friends.".... And I didn't listen. I assumed that if someone smiled in your face then they were genuine.

April 13th, 2006........That Thursday morning I awoke with the energy I had the past couple of days. I was excited about life. I was so close to the dreams that I always dreamed of! I was about to start my life. I dug through my closet to find the nicest clothes I could find and then I began to get ready for the day. This was the day that would propel me in the business world. I was going to a resume workshop and I was preparing myself to get my first job.

The workshop was held in an old school building that looked as if it was a gym at one point. I quickly found my way to a desk and sat in the seat farthest in the back. The room was very poorly lit, and the seat was so cold that it gave me chills for a minute. I was the first one there but I didn't mind. I was too excited. As the clock slowly approached 8 o'clock, the room began to fill. I seen people of all ages. Some already had jobs but they wanted to know how to improve their resumes so they could be more "marketable" to other companies.

It was told to us that the workshop would be divided into two sections which was separated by an hour and a half lunch break. I sat up straight and my ears were just anticipating the next words spoken by the instructor. His name was Mr.Hill. Mr.Hill was a retired teacher who still volunteered in the small town of Aspen. I remember him speaking to my class one year and he said, "You could be anything you want to be....It all depends on YOU."........It's crazy that he always said that because I always wondered who would want to be unmarried and childless at the age of 52.... I mean, he had no one.......Maybe it was because of his stout stature or the way in which his teeth jutted outwards... or maybe the condition of his skin... Who knows.....But I know one thing, this couldn't be what he truly wanted from his life.......But alas, Mr.Hill is Mr.Hill............And he is very knowledgeable so I respect all that he say....So for the next 4 hours... I listened... I listened carefully to all he said and I took notes with the greatest detail.

Before long, it was time for our break. I didn't bring lunch that day so I decided to sit outside and just relax. I mean, it was a beautiful day! Not too hot, not too cold. Just a beautiful day overall....I laid my back against the brick building and slid down to the ground in utter comfort. The ground was a little damp from the previous nights rain, but I was too comfortable to move. I closed my eyes and let the smooth April air gently touch my face...Relaxation at its finest! Soon, I saw a shadow however over me. I opened my eyes and it was That Person. They smiled at me and gave an introduction, and before you know it we were both sitting next to each other on that brick wall talking and laughing away. It's amazing how much we had in common, we talked so much that we both ended up being a few minutes late to the next session, but to me it didn't matter.

After sitting through the final session of the workshop, That Person and I spoke once more before heading home. Long story short, that person ended up becoming my best friend. I told them all of my secrets, my fears, about my dreams.... I told them everything. I felt like I had a friend that would last til the end of time. I remember before I left home for good, my  mom pulled me over to the side and told me those same words she told me so long ago, "Child be careful who you consider your friends.". Honestly those words went in one ear and out the other. At the end of the day, I had one best friend who I absolutely trusted...So how could I ever choose the wrong friends?

As time went forward, I struggled through life and so did my friend. The only difference is that I overcame mines. I remember one day while I was standing in the middle of a crowded bookstore, I saw my friend. I waved, but I only received a cold stare....Maybe I changed a little...Maybe I just wasn't recognized....After obtaining my books I went approach them. And believe it or not I only received another cold look and a few choice words........"Leave me alone, I don't like you"........

Rejected and ashamed I calmly walked home. I thought over and over and over again that maybe I possibly did something wrong and they needed time to cool off. Each time I called That Person, my call would be forwarded to the voicemail.... Each text I sent didn't get a response...I was completely lost. I didn't do anything to That Person.......I didn't do anything............

As years went on I became a great person...well according to others anyways. I graduated from college. Moved thousands of miles from home. I actually became the somebody I always wanted to be. In all honesty, the only thing that was missing from my life was a close friend......I just couldn't find that. I couldn't find anyone who I just felt comfortable with. Until one day when I met Sam. Sam was an interesting individual. Sam loved the outdoors, but also had an obsession with tomfoolery. So when anyone hung out with Sam it was never boring. Sam opened up to me tremendously, telling me about every aspect of his life. For the longest time, we talked and just had plan fun. Until one day I was asked, "Why don't you ever tell me much about your life? You never truly open up?"..................I looked in his bright brown eyes and I absolutely didn't know why......but then I finally responded, "Because people walk in and out of others lives so unexpectedly that sometimes knowing just the surface of a person is enough..."

"But what if, that person says they won't leave?" Sam asked with a confused look on his face.
"Some people can say that they won't but they do."
"But why not open up and then try it out to see...?"
"There is no point in getting so deep..... and then end up with nothing"
"What are you afraid of?"
"Nothing.........."

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But the truth is...........I am afraid. I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm afraid of putting all of my emotions into someone and then they just walk away unexpectedly. I shield myself from hurt by creating a wall so tall that no one can climb over. I let no one in....Because the truth is......I'm scared of letting someone know all of me....and then walking away.....like I was nothing...........

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It's amazing how we can go through life and feel as though we are indestructible. We say that we learn from past mistakes, but we let some of the hurt in our past move forward with us each and every day.  How many times have you let That Person dictate a certain part of your life? You know.... That Person.....They all did different things.....


That Person who lied to you
That Person  who cheated on you
That Person  who stole from you
That Person who made you realize that Mom was right....Everyone can't be your friend

We all have That Person in our life....That person who has left....but then again never really left. They help dictate our future decisions without us even knowing. Soon we find ourselves throwing others into the category of That Person because we no longer can see the good in others because we have been hurt before............Don't let the past actions of others hold you back....

When someone walks out of your life let them. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt, but know that everyone isn't like them. Kill off the notion that so many people are like That Person....because at the end of the day....they are NOT that person.......

Til this day, Sam things I am such an emotionless person....After all, I can't truly reveal that I am afraid.......I am indestructible.... I am fearless.......but the truth is...I'm just so afraid.  But one day I have to finally throw That Person out of my life completely.....And then, I will be able to completely move on........



"Don't prejudge someone off of the actions of someone in your past... People aren't the same... And if you do so, you might miss out on a true treasure in life" -Monica Renata

Pretty Little Picture

Pretty little picture
Painted in my mind
Each brushstroke drew a memory
Which had emotion inside

Pretty little picture
On a canvas in front of me
Can't put down the brush now
My work isn't complete

Pretty little picture
The story of my life
I have to keep on painting
Till I get this one right