April 13th, 2006........That Thursday morning I awoke with the energy I had the past couple of days. I was excited about life. I was so close to the dreams that I always dreamed of! I was about to start my life. I dug through my closet to find the nicest clothes I could find and then I began to get ready for the day. This was the day that would propel me in the business world. I was going to a resume workshop and I was preparing myself to get my first job.
The workshop was held in an old school building that looked as if it was a gym at one point. I quickly found my way to a desk and sat in the seat farthest in the back. The room was very poorly lit, and the seat was so cold that it gave me chills for a minute. I was the first one there but I didn't mind. I was too excited. As the clock slowly approached 8 o'clock, the room began to fill. I seen people of all ages. Some already had jobs but they wanted to know how to improve their resumes so they could be more "marketable" to other companies.
It was told to us that the workshop would be divided into two sections which was separated by an hour and a half lunch break. I sat up straight and my ears were just anticipating the next words spoken by the instructor. His name was Mr.Hill. Mr.Hill was a retired teacher who still volunteered in the small town of Aspen. I remember him speaking to my class one year and he said, "You could be anything you want to be....It all depends on YOU."........It's crazy that he always said that because I always wondered who would want to be unmarried and childless at the age of 52.... I mean, he had no one.......Maybe it was because of his stout stature or the way in which his teeth jutted outwards... or maybe the condition of his skin... Who knows.....But I know one thing, this couldn't be what he truly wanted from his life.......But alas, Mr.Hill is Mr.Hill............And he is very knowledgeable so I respect all that he say....So for the next 4 hours... I listened... I listened carefully to all he said and I took notes with the greatest detail.
Before long, it was time for our break. I didn't bring lunch that day so I decided to sit outside and just relax. I mean, it was a beautiful day! Not too hot, not too cold. Just a beautiful day overall....I laid my back against the brick building and slid down to the ground in utter comfort. The ground was a little damp from the previous nights rain, but I was too comfortable to move. I closed my eyes and let the smooth April air gently touch my face...Relaxation at its finest! Soon, I saw a shadow however over me. I opened my eyes and it was That Person. They smiled at me and gave an introduction, and before you know it we were both sitting next to each other on that brick wall talking and laughing away. It's amazing how much we had in common, we talked so much that we both ended up being a few minutes late to the next session, but to me it didn't matter.
After sitting through the final session of the workshop, That Person and I spoke once more before heading home. Long story short, that person ended up becoming my best friend. I told them all of my secrets, my fears, about my dreams.... I told them everything. I felt like I had a friend that would last til the end of time. I remember before I left home for good, my mom pulled me over to the side and told me those same words she told me so long ago, "Child be careful who you consider your friends.". Honestly those words went in one ear and out the other. At the end of the day, I had one best friend who I absolutely trusted...So how could I ever choose the wrong friends?
As time went forward, I struggled through life and so did my friend. The only difference is that I overcame mines. I remember one day while I was standing in the middle of a crowded bookstore, I saw my friend. I waved, but I only received a cold stare....Maybe I changed a little...Maybe I just wasn't recognized....After obtaining my books I went approach them. And believe it or not I only received another cold look and a few choice words........"Leave me alone, I don't like you"........
Rejected and ashamed I calmly walked home. I thought over and over and over again that maybe I possibly did something wrong and they needed time to cool off. Each time I called That Person, my call would be forwarded to the voicemail.... Each text I sent didn't get a response...I was completely lost. I didn't do anything to That Person.......I didn't do anything............
As years went on I became a great person...well according to others anyways. I graduated from college. Moved thousands of miles from home. I actually became the somebody I always wanted to be. In all honesty, the only thing that was missing from my life was a close friend......I just couldn't find that. I couldn't find anyone who I just felt comfortable with. Until one day when I met Sam. Sam was an interesting individual. Sam loved the outdoors, but also had an obsession with tomfoolery. So when anyone hung out with Sam it was never boring. Sam opened up to me tremendously, telling me about every aspect of his life. For the longest time, we talked and just had plan fun. Until one day I was asked, "Why don't you ever tell me much about your life? You never truly open up?"..................I looked in his bright brown eyes and I absolutely didn't know why......but then I finally responded, "Because people walk in and out of others lives so unexpectedly that sometimes knowing just the surface of a person is enough..."
"But what if, that person says they won't leave?" Sam asked with a confused look on his face.
"Some people can say that they won't but they do."
"But why not open up and then try it out to see...?"
"There is no point in getting so deep..... and then end up with nothing"
"What are you afraid of?"
"Nothing.........."
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But the truth is...........I am afraid. I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm afraid of putting all of my emotions into someone and then they just walk away unexpectedly. I shield myself from hurt by creating a wall so tall that no one can climb over. I let no one in....Because the truth is......I'm scared of letting someone know all of me....and then walking away.....like I was nothing...........
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It's amazing how we can go through life and feel as though we are indestructible. We say that we learn from past mistakes, but we let some of the hurt in our past move forward with us each and every day. How many times have you let That Person dictate a certain part of your life? You know.... That Person.....They all did different things.....
That Person who lied to you
That Person who cheated on you
That Person who stole from you
That Person who made you realize that Mom was right....Everyone can't be your friend
We all have That Person in our life....That person who has left....but then again never really left. They help dictate our future decisions without us even knowing. Soon we find ourselves throwing others into the category of That Person because we no longer can see the good in others because we have been hurt before............Don't let the past actions of others hold you back....
When someone walks out of your life let them. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt, but know that everyone isn't like them. Kill off the notion that so many people are like That Person....because at the end of the day....they are NOT that person.......
Til this day, Sam things I am such an emotionless person....After all, I can't truly reveal that I am afraid.......I am indestructible.... I am fearless.......but the truth is...I'm just so afraid. But one day I have to finally throw That Person out of my life completely.....And then, I will be able to completely move on........
"Don't prejudge someone off of the actions of someone in your past... People aren't the same... And if you do so, you might miss out on a true treasure in life" -Monica Renata
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