I Have Been Thinking

I Have Been Thinking
By: Monica Renata 

I have been thinking
A lot lately
Kind of lost
In my own words

Thoughts falling like raindrops
Landing on the wings of a bird
So many thoughts surround me
Yet I cannot speak
I been thinking a lot lately
And my thoughts are consumed with me

I have been thinking
A lot lately
Kind of lost
In my own words

I am the world’s greatest melody
That has yet to be heard
To twirl around greatness
To bow at no one’s feet
I’ve been thinking a lot lately
Wondering why I can’t see

I have been thinking
A lot lately
Kind of lost
In my own words

Yet I still remain silent
Silently waiting to be heard
To have thoughts float deep within
Yet not utter a peep
I’ve been thinking a lot lately
Wondering why you don’t think of me

Monica Renata 

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HappyTown: The Train Stop

HappyTown: The Train Stop

By: Monica Renata

On the gloomy streets of HappyTown

It never came to a complete stop

It kept on making its marvelous sound

It arrived each time on the dot

Looking like a tube of marvelous steel

Handcrafted by hard working men

The speed that was unrelenting

The speed that left behind huge gusts of wind

To stand at the vacant train stop

Waiting to be here no more

But the train won’t stop in HappyTown

And this is something that I abhor

On the gloomy streets of HappyTown

Surrounded by many who can’t see

That being happy is more than this town

Being happy resides within you and me

To leave your place of comfort

Doesn’t have to be all that bad

For being complacent in life

Is what should really make you feel sad

There is more to life than your comfort zone

Even though it is a happy spot

So I shall wait on that Choo-Choo train

Until it finally stops

“Sometimes we believe that happiness is only obtainable in our comfort zone. This prevents us from venturing outwards….But there is happiness outside your comfort zone. You just have to give yourself the opportunity to realize this” –Monica Renata

Monica Renata 

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The Tears of the Willow

Sometimes my mind wanders

And then I begin to cry

And my mind is consumed with thoughts

And I end up asking why

My heart starts to beat faster

And then my breath seems to go slow

My palms get sweaty

And then I walk out the door

I look at all the trees

I feel the cool air on my skin

But I cannot escape one thing

That is the wrath deep within

My skin starts to get hot

My stomach begins to cramp

I am doing so much thinking

That I feel like I am killing myself

I look forward and see everything

Yet I cannot take everything in

Something is happening within my mind

And I keep reliving a moment again and again

I love you……..

I think to myself

But I know it doesn’t matter

I always stuck by your side

No matter what happened

But what is love when you feel so bad

What is a feeling that isn’t returned?

I work myself up for disappointment

Yet I always return

I would say you have me hooked on you

But I haven’t a clue

I know I care about you

But do I care about myself too?

The air seems so calm out side

And I sit under the tree

I feel something wet on my face

Something I thought came from the tree

But how can this be??

It is sunny outside

Rain can’t come today

But the weeping willow is crying

And I think it is crying for me today

Monica Renata 

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If I Didn't Care

If I Didn’t Care

By: Monica Renata

If I didn’t care about you

If I didn’t care at all

I would no longer be there for you

I wouldn’t try to catch you when you fall

If I didn’t care about you

If there was no feeling left in me

I wouldn’t extend my kindness

Even though you hurt me terribly

In pain there is some pleasure

In light there is always dark

And so may I rise one day

And then another day I may fall

To dwell in the past

And let the future not arise

Would be a terrible terrible waste

Of my own heart and mind

If I didn’t care about you

There would be so many things I would not do

But instead I sit there quietly

While I watch you abuse

Abuse my kindness

Abuse my heart

You trampled over me

I cared about you so much

That I was blind and could not see

If I didn’t care about you

If I didn’t care at all

I would harbor so much hate in my heart

I would wish that you never rise but fall

But instead I keep a home for you

In a part of my heart so deep

And despite all the pain you put me through

My care for you never ceased

“Life is too short to let hate consume your heart…Everyone should be forgiven….Forgiveness helps you heal in the long run.” –Monica Renata

Monica Renata 

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I'm Not Your ________________

I’m Not Your ______________

By: Monica Renata

I’m not your cup of tea

That you marvel at the taste

With a splash of lemon and cubes of ice

On an extra warm sunny day

I’m not your simple melody

That you know the pattern of the tune

My song is a bit dramatic

And it changes when I enter rooms

I’m not

I’m not

I’m not

I am not many things

But hopefully you find it in your heart

To someday let me be

Your ray of perfect sunshine

Your beautiful glowing moon

I wish to be your dreams come alive

I wish to be your wish come true

I’m not the most perfect person on earth

I’m not the best in the room

I may not even be your first choice

But oh how I would really like to

I’m not your dream or fantasy

I’m not your highlight of every day

But I wish to be your everything

Hopefully you give me the chance one day

For I may not be what you want

But I believe I am what you need

For I can offer you love everlasting

Even though I am not what you may want me to be

“Sometimes if you give someone a chance you will realize that they are exactly what you dreamed of……… Sometimes we quickly disregard others without even knowing who they really are. You may one day pass up a true gem by judging the outside so rapidly……..” –Monica Renata

Monica Renata 

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Mistakes

Mistakes

By: Monica Renata

I need to take a step forward

But decided to take a step back

For going forward had uncertainty

And I knew of all that was left back

Consciously planning my decision

Yet I am afraid to fall

So instead I stay in the place

That I have been in for far too long

Trying to revel in perfection

Yet perfection does not reside here

I know this deep down inside

But I choose to not reveal

I can be wrong sometimes

Sometimes I make mistakes

Sometimes my calculations are wrong

Sometimes I forget to love instead of hate

Mistakes of my yesteryears

Still resonate within me

Yet I try to radiate perfection

So all can envy me

But what’s the point of being perfect

Because perfection has no flaws

And with no flaws there cannot be growth

So I will sit still for so long

But I wish to grow so gracefully

I wish to reach my peak

So I shall no longer be afraid of my future

And walk forward undoubtedly

I need to take a step forward

But decided to take a step back

For going forward had uncertainty

And I knew of all that was left back

But after I take two steps forward

Despite my one step back

For my mistakes my be beautiful

And show what I do lack

There is brilliance in uncertainty

There is gracefulness in rising up

There are lessons to be learned in mistakes

So……….

Live life fearlessly

Don’t worry about possible mistakes

Stop trying to be perfect

Fall in love with your beautiful mistakes

Love them

For they helped mold you

For they taught you

For they stick with you forever…

So what are you afraid of?

Why are we so deathly afraid to make mistakes?

The fear of his having a mishap keeps us from venturing on to new things in life?

But why?

I have been afraid

And lost countless opportunities because of this fear

However, when I finally took those opportunities

I learned the greatest lessons in my failures

I am not afraid to make a mistake…….. I know that there are great lessons learned in the faults of life………… -Monica Renata

Monica Renata 

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Thanks For Believing in Me

Thanks for Believing in Me

By: Monica Renata

The sun rose again

As it has rose so many times before

The birds started to chirp

Yet my eyes still wanted to close

A new day was beginning

Yet I wanted it just to end

Yet you dragged me out of bed that morning

And said there were events in life I must attend

Feeling utterly defeated

My head still looked at the floor

I did not rush to do things

Because what am I rushing for?

Clothed in my own pity

Surrounded by self-hate

And you patted me on my back

And said “It will be okay”

Going through my day

There are disappointments galore

I cry to myself

I wish this could be no more

Throughout this day

There was happiness and also pain

Put when I marched into my home

You grabbed me and said “Tomorrow is another day”

The moon begins to rise

As the sun fades to no more

I cry myself to sleep

And wonder what I am living for

And you tell me to cheer up

You say that it will be okay

And you leave me til tomorrow

Til I face another day

The days pass by so slowly

The seasons come and go

The cold chills me down to my tips

And freezes me to the soul

The heat of the sun then thaws me

And soon I realize I am growing so old

Yet one thing that remains

Is your undying faith which I still behold

The faith that my dark days will end

And I will blossom into who I was meant to be

The faith that one day my head will stand high

As high as the tallest tree

The faith that one day I will be in love

And finally be able to see

To see that I could be the person

Who I always wanted to be

The sun rose again

As it has rose many times before

The birds start to chirp

And my eyes no longer want to be closed

As the morning breeze brushes my face

I can hear those words in my heart say

“No matter how hard life is, you will be okay”

So on I continue to venture

For I know that I can conquer anything placed before my feet

And to you I give you all the glory

Thanks for believing in me

Monica Renata 

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To Decode A Riddle

To Decode A Riddle

By: Monica Renata

To ponder on a riddle

To decode the matter at hand

To get lost in all translation

To find words which were once marked in sand

To question your own sanity

To think that maybe those words don’t mean the same

To think there is a deeper meaning

To wonder what is going on in their head

Til the sun goes up

Til the sun goes down

Putting together the pieces of a puzzle

In which the last piece can’t be found

Words which were meant to have meaning

Are carefully hidden from you

Cloaked in a clever little riddle

That only baffles you

To ponder on a riddle

To decode the matter at hand

Putting together the pieces of a puzzle

In which the last piece has disappeared like words in sand

Let your thoughts relax

Don’t keep thinking about what was said

For the right person does not speak in riddles

They speak fluently instead

“Don’t keep thinking about what others said and try to decode it. The right person will not speak in riddles……….” – Monica Renata

Monica Renata 

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